Sex between Husband and Wife. ?

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rrpc08

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I am writing this because I am very confused.

My wife and I have been together for 8 years married for almost 6. We have a new born 5 month old baby. I love my wife dearly, but things have gotten rough lately. I need some outside points of view.

Our sex life is kinda lame. We both are each others first but not nieve to sex. I don't understand why she doesn't feel comfortable with me. There doesn't seem to be any passion. I enjoy her body and I am up for anything. She seems to have sex more as a chore or duty. It's always the same missionary or her on top and now and then doggie. We have sex thats not the problem. The problem is we're not growing in this area. I have tried to talk to her about this, but it always ends with her in tears and then I just back off. I don't want her to feel pressured, but I want more out of our relationship.

This and other things from my past have brought me into a state of depression. Today my wife took me to the doctor and now I am getting ready to go to a shrink. All because I want to have sex with my wife!?!

Am I wrong in feeling like this area should "grow". I am not trying anything real weird. I understand there are limits for some people. Feel free to ask questions. Thanks for any advice.
I am the stay at home dad by day and work at night part time and have my own business by summer.
-She doesn't like toys (part of the problem)
-Wont show her "stuff" to me yet I was there to take care of her after the babys c-section
-I not asking for much just something
She doesn't think she in the wrong at all.
Lame sex for the whole time always thought maybe it'll get better.
She never comes on to me. Just feels blah.
I know she just had a baby but its always been this way. I feel like I 'm tring to be superdad and I just want some sex in return
She doesn't think she in the wrong at all.
Lame sex for the whole time always thought maybe it'll get better.
She never comes on to me. Just feels blah.
I know she just had a baby but its always been this way. I feel like I 'm tring to be superdad and I just want some sex in return
 
Give her time. Since she is a new mom, she may have a hormone unbalance problem. Don't make more of this than it is. Give her time, it will change.. Instead of you going to the doctor, maybe she should.
 
Perhaps counseling will help.She may need it more then you.
She may have an under lying problem you are not aware of.
Exhaustion,hormones,stress and diet can be affecting her in many ways.
Having a child takes alot out of a woman.It may even be painful for her still.or cause her to think of the pregnancy.
Be loving and take her feelings into consideration like you probably have been doing all these years.

Take the time to get to know her again.
Perhaps go on a trip soon,just for a few nights.Just the two of you.
Get back to connecting with her emotionally first.
Men feel close after sex.Women only want sex after being close.
So connect with her in a non sexual way.
You need to bring passion back into this.
and then after that is done,you can each express your wishes.

Nothing is wrong with you..its just having a baby changes everything for her.Good luck
 
Well dude, looks like you better start enjoying jacking off. Just make sure you do not give in when she wants her little pussy pounded. Tell her you have a headache.
 
It can take up to a year for her hormones to balance out after having your baby. And what is it you are wanting her to do? It may not be that she isn't comfortable with you but uncomfortable with what you are suggesting.
 
When a woman has a young baby, she's Quite Exhausted... but how was your sex life before the baby? was it always lame? Some women are just like that... it's hard to explain.... she could have been raised in a very religious house hold.

have you two gone to a sex marriage therapist? Don't let it get you down!

have you tried giving her a full body massage, & making sure her body feels the Excitement that it could be feeling?

Give more details....... & maybe others can give more advice.

I've been with my gf. for 21 yrs, we have 5 kids. we have more Passion today, than when we first met.....

Good Luck & sorry to hear of the problems...

Do Not Let It Affect you..... some women are just like that.
 
maybe right now its difficult for her since she just had a baby! it wouldnt hurt her to try more things i understand where you are coming from too but maybe you should give her some time. maybe its the whole baby thing. she is too busy to think about sex right now cuz of your baby. i dont think you need to see a shrink. you guys both need to communicate with each other and tell her how you just want a lil more. if she keeps getting upset i say you should wait, trust me she will end up wanting it!
 
If this concerns the both of yall, there are sex/family therapists available.

And not as costly as you may think. I know it sounds radical, but she may have issues with her body, or something of the sort.

Nothing wrong with a shrink I see one every 2 weeks to add structure and substance to my life and love her. Its awesome. She will help greatly! I suggest a shrink greatly. I used to hate them until I found the right one. It take a little shopping around for them sometimes because of personality clashes. But overall a good decision...
 
u have a simple probelm friend

its just need some treatment or a consultation with a sexologist

u ll find the way
be brave and see a doctor..
they knows more abt this
dont feel shy

as u r a parent u need to do this for ur future

goodluck
 
go along with her, see the shrink,but also tell her that her lack of interest can be medically cured!!
good luck
 
She might see herself as not sexy anymore. She has a scar from a c-section and extra weight and skin, try making her feel better about herself. Tell her at least once a day how beautiful and/or sexy she is. Bring her home some flowers. Give her a rub-down and rent a woman's movie. Don't worry man soon enough she will come around. GL.

As for the lame sex, have you tried pitching her some new ideas? Not toys but something that would feel super good to her. My woman won't do anything nasty till I hit that right spot to put her in the mood. When you are giving oral use a diff tech. You get the idea.
 
Wow, it's hard for me to believe that any man doesn't realize by now that an infant has a deafening impact on sexual relationships between a husband and wife. It's going to take a long - long - long time from my experience before a woman starts to think about sexual relations again, Mother Nature made us this way to insure the continuation of the species, and a new born infant is all her mind can see or hear at this point. Mother Nature also turns the heat down in women because it's just not smart to risk births that are too close together, health wise for everybody, but also because an infant demands so much for so long from it's parents.

Going to a shrink is a great idea, hope the shrink is a woman or it's probably not going to be very productive for you. You may well learn new insights that will make things better for you and for your wife also. Maybe she should also go to help her smooth the rough edges of your relationship.
Quite simply, she's also probably just exhausted with caring for your new infant and working out of the house. It's way different now from before the baby. Patience, don't take it personally, and be so gentle and approving with her, it'll work out well then most likely.

You sound like a nice and normal guy, but I don't think most women like ''toys'' - it seems so gross like the hookers, at least that's what most of us have been brought up to think about stuff like that, that it's pure porn shop. That's a turn off.

I got the same way, just didn't want to be bothered at all and my own husband got desperate - after much drama, I just made up my mind to try to give back what was important to him , since he always tried to do what was important to me, not sex stuff , but everything else. I found that I had to have several glasses of wine, or a good stiff scotch, 12 year old stuff, or gin and tonic with lime - that made it possible to add to the old standard stuff sexually and it was fun - like a red wine in a goblet and putting a finger (or whatever) into the wine. WE also took photos of us together and that was a little tweek, a perk, and it also was kinda' fun. Our little honeymoon smoothed out over time but you get the idea.

The time to grow sexually for you and your wife was before the baby, Champ, not after having the baby. Very bad timing there. Whatever made you think that after giving birth would be a good time to complain about a sexual relationship with your wife that was never good nor fulfilling for you ? Why did you wait until now to make this an issue ? You know, some people are just sexually mis-matched, but this is a horrible time for you to just bring this to the surface of your marriage.

Many women, and men too, have serious sexual hang-ups and different natural appetites, the trick is to get a mate who matches you and live happily ever after. Good luck, maybe you can get her to slowly change her life-long attitudes about sex but maybe not. Go to that shrink. If you don't like him, or her, go to another until you find a doctor you feel may be able to help you both and who feels trustworthy to you.
 
8 years is a lot of sex, sometimes things get boring... but i agree that wanting more from it is normal.. you shouldnt feel guilty for wanting more intimacy and wanting the relationship to grow.. im not sure why shes crying when you bring it up though, maybe she feels guilty for not wanting to have sex? or guilty for not feeling passionate? those are things the psychologist would be able to help you guys answer. but theres nothing wrong with you wanting more, if shes up for it though you should do your best to help her find out why she doesnt seem to want to find more..
 
she just had a KID. leave her alone. i think that you need to just be patient, and listen to her.
 
Well as unbelievable as it may seem, some people just don't have a strong sex drive :) You said she has always been this way so I am guessing that this is the case with her. My ex-husband was like that we were married fourteen years and it was not until I had other experiences (after the split of course) that I realized that it wasn't me after all. If sex is a chore for her than maybe a mistress would be just the thing for you. Some woman actually prefer their husband to have one as it takes the pressure off of them. It does not mean that you don't love your wife. It just means you are unfulfilled in this one area. I say fulfill it, you only live once and this to shall pass.
 
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