I am very confused about my sexuality, and I feel that this is a major contributor to my depression.
I do not find the male form attractive- I find it very unbalanced, and dislike the lack of curves. There is no round breast to balance out our ugly arses, and the flatness of our chests gives us a rectangular, imperfect shape. Plus, our natural hairiness is simply gross.
I do not find masculinity attractive. Sweat and muscle gross me out. I don't enjoy watching in our participating in sports.
Most of all, I very much dislike being in the presence of any male, even people similar to me.
I have never been attracted to any men I've seen, either in person or on the net, TV, etc. Yet, I can't imagine anything other than receiving sex from and pleasuring a male. I am not attracted to woman, and can't imagine sex with one.
I am attracted to femininity though. I personally have long hair and wish I had the courage to wear makeup in public. I DON'T like it because 'it makes me feel like a girl'- in fact, I don't believe that things like makeup should be female exclusive. I like it because I love aesthetic and beauty.
It seems like there would be nobody male who I would fit well with as a partner. It seems that the majority of homosexuals are just like any other guy- masculine- some even more so than their heterosexual counterparts. Even 'twinks' seem to be 'normal' masculine guys, just a little bit shaved but no long hair, curves, or attention to beauty.
If you try and find people on the other end of the spectrum, it seems to immediately jump into crossdressers, transvestites and drag queens- people who do what they do because they have a kink from feeling like a woman. It seems like there is no middle ground; no men who love fashion and wear makeup for the sake of looking good- not for the sake of being like a female.
Additionally, I can't seem to imagine the possibility of a guy being able to provide emotional support for me. I haven't met one guy who I feel has a chance of understanding me.
As for the female side of things, I tend to gravitate more towards them for companionship. As I've said above, I am not sexually attracted to them- but I do find their bodies much more pleasant to look at then a males. They tend to have very beautiful curves, I find their breasts fascinating, and the stereotypical woman looks MUCH better than a man between her long hair and whatever makeup she adorns herself with.
I do feel women can connect with me more than men can, but I don't think a relationship would work. I'd feel extremely uncomfortable in the role as a boyfriend or husband, because society pressures the male into being the dominate, proactive one- something I am definitely not emotionally or sexually.
So, I think that I am gay... but that I'm searching for a type of guy that doesn't exist. I am very confused at all of this. Do you think there's others like me? Do you feel similarly?
It is all very depressing, not knowing myself what I do and do not like. It makes me feel hopeless in finding a future lover, something I really feel I need to fill the gaps in my life. It's not a matter of getting over the fear of coming out, or overcoming the hatred in this world like most LGBT have to face- it's the matter of being driven insane by not knowing what your sexuality is. I think I am definitely LGBT, I just don't know who I am attracted to!
For the annoying first commenter:
TL;DR:
I'm not attracted to masculinity/manliness but am attracted to femininity and sex with a man.
Please read it though- it's honestly not as long as it looks.
GaBi- I respect your opinion but, how am I not? While I find the feminine form to look much better, I can't ever imagine having sex with a woman, and I don't think a relationship would work as I am not a dominant type of person- which men are almost expected to be in a relationship. Furthermore, I do find the thought of gay sex attractive- it's just the man himself I have issues with.
I do not find the male form attractive- I find it very unbalanced, and dislike the lack of curves. There is no round breast to balance out our ugly arses, and the flatness of our chests gives us a rectangular, imperfect shape. Plus, our natural hairiness is simply gross.
I do not find masculinity attractive. Sweat and muscle gross me out. I don't enjoy watching in our participating in sports.
Most of all, I very much dislike being in the presence of any male, even people similar to me.
I have never been attracted to any men I've seen, either in person or on the net, TV, etc. Yet, I can't imagine anything other than receiving sex from and pleasuring a male. I am not attracted to woman, and can't imagine sex with one.
I am attracted to femininity though. I personally have long hair and wish I had the courage to wear makeup in public. I DON'T like it because 'it makes me feel like a girl'- in fact, I don't believe that things like makeup should be female exclusive. I like it because I love aesthetic and beauty.
It seems like there would be nobody male who I would fit well with as a partner. It seems that the majority of homosexuals are just like any other guy- masculine- some even more so than their heterosexual counterparts. Even 'twinks' seem to be 'normal' masculine guys, just a little bit shaved but no long hair, curves, or attention to beauty.
If you try and find people on the other end of the spectrum, it seems to immediately jump into crossdressers, transvestites and drag queens- people who do what they do because they have a kink from feeling like a woman. It seems like there is no middle ground; no men who love fashion and wear makeup for the sake of looking good- not for the sake of being like a female.
Additionally, I can't seem to imagine the possibility of a guy being able to provide emotional support for me. I haven't met one guy who I feel has a chance of understanding me.
As for the female side of things, I tend to gravitate more towards them for companionship. As I've said above, I am not sexually attracted to them- but I do find their bodies much more pleasant to look at then a males. They tend to have very beautiful curves, I find their breasts fascinating, and the stereotypical woman looks MUCH better than a man between her long hair and whatever makeup she adorns herself with.
I do feel women can connect with me more than men can, but I don't think a relationship would work. I'd feel extremely uncomfortable in the role as a boyfriend or husband, because society pressures the male into being the dominate, proactive one- something I am definitely not emotionally or sexually.
So, I think that I am gay... but that I'm searching for a type of guy that doesn't exist. I am very confused at all of this. Do you think there's others like me? Do you feel similarly?
It is all very depressing, not knowing myself what I do and do not like. It makes me feel hopeless in finding a future lover, something I really feel I need to fill the gaps in my life. It's not a matter of getting over the fear of coming out, or overcoming the hatred in this world like most LGBT have to face- it's the matter of being driven insane by not knowing what your sexuality is. I think I am definitely LGBT, I just don't know who I am attracted to!
For the annoying first commenter:
TL;DR:
I'm not attracted to masculinity/manliness but am attracted to femininity and sex with a man.
Please read it though- it's honestly not as long as it looks.
GaBi- I respect your opinion but, how am I not? While I find the feminine form to look much better, I can't ever imagine having sex with a woman, and I don't think a relationship would work as I am not a dominant type of person- which men are almost expected to be in a relationship. Furthermore, I do find the thought of gay sex attractive- it's just the man himself I have issues with.