Scared of intimate relationships with straight men?

[Heidii]

Alright. I am beginning to notice I am not normal for my age (22 years old.) or at least I personally don't think I am. I've only had one bf and that lasted 3 weeks ( I was 19. he was abusive). And I dated one guy last summer but only for money (a few weeks). Nothing happened with neither (sex wise). I've noticed that I tend to befriend gay men all the time. I don't do it on purpose it just happens. I feel safer around them and plus they are way more fun. I rarely go out to social gatherings and if I do I keep to myself. I go to places by myself all the time. The loneliness does not bother me much (occaisionally it does when I have rest from work and school to let my brain think of my reality) probably because I am so accustomed to it... I have very very few friends with whom I rarely hang out with (Maybe once a month). Only reason I know them is because I met them in highschool otherwise I would have no friends. The people I socialize with most are co-workers thats about it. (If it were not for school or work I would rarely socialize...) I noticed I don't let people past a certain level. Like for example if a co-worker harmlessly flirts with me my defenses sky rocket. Or like a friend asked me to go out and dance with him (he's straight). I freak out and get super nervous over the thought of going out to dance with him and don't want to talk to him. Now if he were gay I would jump on the opportunity... I really don't like getting close to certain people. Gay men = yes, most women = no, straight men = 98% no...Also I noticed lately I'd rather undergo some sort of consensual tortuous act (BDSM) than be intimately (emotionally) close to someone. When I was younger like 8 years old I used to like burning myself with candle wax and terrible facial scratching, which later progressed to cutting. All of which I strangely enjoyed. And now it is impulsive picking of the skin. (which I am trying to cut back on. I actually keep a tally chart of the days I don't pick at my skin) I did go through alot of abuse and neglect as a child. My dad was very abusive towards my mother and us (cheating, putting down, hitting, gambling addiction, overstepping sexual boundries with daughters (my sisters and i) ) and my mom would take it out on us...It's funny I've never had sex with a guy but was going to be a stripper, and have been a dominatrix already... But I refuse to date or let any men near me past an emotional level...which reflects my extremes as a person. So thats my background...Should I seek professional help? Or can this go away on its own with me just going out to socialize making an extra effort.....? Btw I am posting here because as much as I love the few supportive family I have they tell me that it'll just go away but I have a feeling you can't throw this under a rug...I'm just worried about my overall socialization and sexual development. Its extreme.