SCARED. FREAKY SHOW feelings for my therapist, and REALLY WORRIED, please read and help?

[Blond B]

I'm now a 34yr old female, no siblings and a male partnter of 10yrs who i love very much. When i was 17yrs old i developed severe panic and anxiety which was debilitating. Doctors didnt know what was wrong and never referrred me to a therapist. I was raised by a mentally ill mother who wasnt able to mother and who was very volatile and emotionally unavailable. She done her best and I love her very much and want her safe and happy. My father was an absent father, he stayed away from the houes 10hrs per day. i love him too and want the best for him. I made my own decision to see a therapist and set up my own appointments. - at 17yrs old. I have enormous respect for this woman, and view her as a ray of positive sunshine in my life. Someone asked me once how i felt after a session, i responded that i felt like i could sprout wings and fly. Thats how postive and good about myself i feel. Everything just seems ok after talking to her, i always feel so much better. Bare in mind, i have gone periods of 4/5 years where i would not contact her at all. Then when things got very bad for me or i felt i needed professonal direction i would contact her and have a few sessions. She has told me that i'm 'one of her special clients' and that she wants to be available for me. She is now 76. My mother was put in institutional care 2 months ago. I'm back at my therapist again. This time, i'm finding such a strong draw to her. I feel like i woudl love if she was my mother and we had a mother / daughter relationship. I of course, know this wont happen. These feelings are turning into feelings of longing now, and i miss her even though i only saw her last week. I am very aware of boundaries, and know i need to discuss this with her. However, i'm very embaressed to bring it up as i dont know how she will react if i tell her. What i feel is that i see in her a mother i would love to have. But, i know that wont happen and it makes me very sad. We laugh and joke and she always remembers me on teh phone even if i ring after a number of years and tells me how happy she is to hear from me. I sometimes find the sessions intoxicating, i feel so close to another human being emotionally and i lack this closeness in every day life. I'm however, scared she would dump me and feel it was in appropriate. I'm scared to risk that. I just have this overwhelming urge to 'nurture' her. I would literally love her to 'take care of me' in the motherly sense. I know i have to move past this, but its so embaressing. I know she probably has no feelings like this for me. Shes 76 and semi retired, i dont want to dump this on her. I'm just looking to overcome the feelings and work through them. I know she wont reciprocate them (thats sad but i know where i stand with that). She has probably lots of clients she feels the same about, they are a job and you forget about them when they walk out that door. You see i dont want to lose her as a therapist because shes good and we got history, she knows all about me, and i dont want to have to reinvest in a new one. Any ideas how i could word this?