Scared & alone Mother of Twins & Addicted to Tramadol

  • Thread starter Thread starter Flizzy77
  • Start date Start date
F

Flizzy77

Guest
My name is Liz and I'm new to this. I see some old posts and new ones so I don't know if I'll get a response but I'm running out of ideas for getting help and I'm trying to reach out somehow. I'm a mother of 3yr. old twin girls. They are my world. I'm a stay at home mom and in the TX Army National Guard with 11mths. left on my contract. I'm unhappily married to a man that has been emotionally unfaithful with 6 women. He even called his ex-girlfriend in the hospital the day I delivered my angels! I had an older brother, but he committed suicide when I was 18 (I'm almost 32). I'm a hard working, driven & independant woman. Staying at home has been very hard for me. I've worked since I was 14 and I've been home for 3yrs! I have chronic pain in my neck & shoulder due to a 100mph motorcycle accident with no helmet; that happened in 1998. The pain resurfaced when I got pregnant. I've been taking Ultram 200mg & Tramadol 50mg for a little over 2 yrs. now. I'm highly addicted. I don't feel motivated or like I want to do anything unless I take them. I've been told that you're not supposed to take more than 400mg a day and I take up to 1,000mg per day. I want to want to get off the meRAB, but am scared because I don't know how to feel or if I'll be happy without them. I NEED them to live. I've experienced withdrawels & can't bear it. I've told my husband & mother, but they listen to me at the time and then all is back to nothing the next day. I feel so alone. Sometimes I don't even want to attend my children. I just don't want to feel anything but happy. I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to. I'm married to someone & feel like a single mom. I've gotten pills off the internet & will continue as long as I have to. I don't have a chance to detox, because I know it takes a week or so and I don't have that time. I've asked for help from my loved ones, but nobody does anything! I feel like I don't know how to live without my pills. Please, help.
 
Welcome Liz,

I am sorry to hear about the situation you are in. However, your story sounRAB a lot like the rest of ours... So.. from here on out.. You are no longer alone.

I am sorry to hear of the emotional affairs your husband has had and the emotional and physical pain you deal with everyday.

However, it sounRAB like you have a lot to live for with your twin girls! What a blessing you have!

I am concerned though with the amount of meRAB you are taking. Some people on here have learned first hand that you can only take so much Tramadol or you can have a siezure. I don't want to preach at you but it could kill you and what would your children do then? So... if anything... If you are not ready to "quit" then can you try to only take was is medically safe? I would hate to hear if something bad happened.. Maybe some other people on here can give you some more advice on that.

I do know what it feels like to need the pills in order to do anything... However, I have found that it is not true... I don't "need" the pills.. I function just fine with out them.. However, I am not in your shoes and do not have your injuries either.

I just really wanted to say hello and tell you that you are not alone and then I ended up rarabling... Imagine that!! hahaha Keep us updated! We hope you are doing okay!
~Secrets
 
Thank you so much for replying. It's nice to know SOMEBODY cares. I've tried to take what's medically safe, but can't. I don't have the will power. I don't get the "happy" feeling if I take less. I might be getting surgery for my pain problem, but I'm terrified because then I'll have to get off the meRAB and I'm so scared of how I'll feel if I'm off them. I've asked for help with someone giving me only what I need with my pills, but after a couple of days they forget and it's all back to normal. And, yes, I'm talking about my husband. The last thing I want is my girls to not have a mommy, but taking the pills doesn't let me think about that. And, I feel like I can do more for, and with them when I'm on them. I have so much pain in my life and hide it really well. When I do talk about it, the response I get is either....well...nothing or just a bunch of talk that doesn't feel sympathetic. Just like...oh well, everybody has problems. I know everybody has something going on in there life. I've always hidden my pain; never complained when I got hurt etc. I'm always up beat with people, but suffering inside. If I had $50,000.00 or my career started, I wouldn't be with my husband. I'm living a false life and have to pretend everyday. I've had chest pains that feel like a heart attack. Someone called 911 while I was in the grocery store! I have terrible panic attacks. I don't know what happened. I used to be sooo strong! Now, when I need some help, I can't get any. Well, thank you so much for responding. Just a little reply from someone does matter a great deal to me.
 
Fizzy,

Are these drugs prescribed to you by a doctor? The reason I ask is because Ultram and Tramadol are the exact same medication. Tramadol is the generic brand of Ultram, so I'm a bit confused why you would be rx'd both at the same time? As the previous poster said Ultram has a very serious risk of causing seizures, and not mild seizures, Grand Mal Seizures. I was on a prescribed low dose for knee pain a few years ago, and had a grand mal seizure. So, at this point with the amount you're taking, you'll have to be carefull lowering it, because it can do the same thing. Unfortunately Ultram is one of the hardest drugs to detox from, the withdrawals are very very bad. So you have two choices, you can go to your Doctor and fess up to what you've been doing and let them help you with a detox plan, which would mean you would have to be true to yourself, be sure you're at the point to where you really want to be clean of this and do exactly as they say, or it's not going to work...but that decision only you can make.

If you're scared to go to a doctor for help, then you could do it yourself with a slow taper, but that will take quite a while with the amount you're on, and you would have to have incredible self control, willpower and desire to quit as you will be the administrator of your own meRAB. Once again it's up to you and how much you really want to quit...Either way, you have to be at that point, because you're going to have to throw out any stashes, not get anymore drugs off the net, and once again ultram is one of the easiest to get, and stick to your taper plan. It's going to take alot of Willpower, determination, and sticktuitiveness.

One thing you do need to realize, if your ortho or neuro whichever is talking of operating on you learns of the amounts of Ultram you're taking, they won't touch you until you stop it. And if you were not to tell them, you would certainly be risking your life.

I know it's alot of information, and hard decisions to make...but you have to decide what you really want your life to be like I guess.
 
Back
Top