Rough night...

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madhen17

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Not really looking forward to today. My dog Max had knee surgery yesterday
so I got no sleep last night. I've been clean from norco for 10 days:D and I was riding such a NATURAL high. I felt good, even happy again. Last night was hard. I'm just gonna be honest and hope no one judges but my vet sent home human pain meRAB for my baby.Tramadol, 50 mg, 30 pills. Not very high doses but I can double them and maybe feel something...right? How sick is that? Here my poor guy is whinning with every breath and I had to just lay there thinking and thinking ALL night . I didn't take any but I'm just grossed out about myself. WTF?!? What is wrong with me? This is my little man who is hurting and all I'm thinking about is ," Ohhh, wonder if I could take one".I'm supposed to be done. I'm all clean. But when the first opprotunity comes along I just wanna fall apart. Just knowing its there when I'm tired is hard. I can't believe I am sharing something that I feel so deeply ashamed about but I want full and total recovery from pills so I need to be totally honest about where my thoughts are going. I KNOW if these pills had belonged to a human I would have taken them in a heartbeat. I hope I get that feeling of control and satisfaction back that I had just yesterday. How pathetic am I thinking about taking meRAB from my dog.

Heidi
 
well, i think it;s good that you shared that. it must have been hard. but you didn't take them. and that's great. it's so hard to resist, i know. try and think of your dog's situation though.. that may be the only way that you wont take them, but the more u think about how much Max neeRAB them for real, and doesnt understand the pain she is in, the less u may want to take them. but yeah i dont envy you at all. 10 days is a long time, but it's also just the beginning so to be around pills that soon is tough.
sending good vibes your way and good healing ones to your dog!!!
 
Thank you for replying Wendy. Its funny because after I posted yesterday I stopped obbsessing about those pills. It really helped to just get it all out. I and Max feel SO much better today. I truly hope you are having a great day also.

Heidi
 
sure thing! i'm glad things got better. sometimes i post here and it's just about getting it out and i feel so much better after i do. im glad you and max are doing better! that rocks! i've had a sturable recently... but i'll be ok. not giving up or anything. it's just hard since i have 2 chronic pain issues but of course, i'm addicted to what helps me... so figuring that out is hard. but, i know i'll beat it. im moving states and have a great job waiting for me in my new location... and i won't have time in my life for this hazy life any more. and i'm thankful for that. excited for my new life to get started!
all the best to you and lil max!! i love animals! i wish i had a dog but for now i have 3 cats, who somehow are just like dogs. they give me a lot of love and support! i'm sure Max does the same for you!
:)
lemon
 
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