Rewritten poem, comments and critique please?

Gabriel

New member
Story

Nearly to insanity,
I shriek for you to see!
Please oh please,
I beg of thee!
Grasp my secret.
My story.

I see you are
Incapable of combining
The clues.
I see you struggle
To comprehend
Why I live
Amongst
The no ones.

It is all because
My dream girl
Lay no interest upon
Me.
So I shatter all hope
And begin my end.
No longer will I search,
But live with her as a*
friend.

Better to be
One thing
Than none,
But yet telling my
Story, I still have not
Done.

Once with one,
But now reaching for
Another,
I fail to prevail
In obtaining her.
She is blind to my hints,
Cannot tell love from
Platonic.

So now I wonder,
How shall I tell she,
My secret inside,
The one needing to be freed.

With this I finish
My tale etched with pain.
Of how love I have found,
But never will obtain.
 
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