Rewind

[Alfuewi]

There was a girl who painted her lenses black
So she could hide behind her eyes
Her angelic grace was a demonic reflection
And her conscience abducted her pride

Her tethered wings left permanent scars
As she etches a heart within the granules of sand
While water flows down behind her lense and upon her hand
Filling every crevice, She begins to understand

One long winded breath, A closure of eyes
A sigh of self-pity, She now feels alive
Reminiscing of things past
There was only one spoken sentence in her mind
"I've got two tickets to misery, I hope you have the time"
The violin plays in tune with her falsetto
This is the soundtrack of her life in rewind



------------------------------------------------------

Looking to change the middle stanza I think, It's very irksome to me. Other than that, what's everyones opinion?

 

[Remember Reach]

not bad, some of the imagery comes off a little cliche but it's still decent. also i think you mean to say conscience, not conscious

 

[kaityelise]

Yeah, thanks for that. I really don't like the last line of the second stanza, but meh. I haven't written in ages I guess. I usually edit these like mad, I doubt this one would be much different.