jess_n_flip
New member
First off i realize that 5 boys is ALOT of work, however i can also tell you that our boys have rules and are very good children. They do their chores and help out as much as they can. They love to help. They very seldom fight with eachother. Usually play very well together! Our home is calm, and under control. I am not stressed because of children, they really have nothing to do with how i feel. In fact the last post on my last message involved "jumping on my husband as soon as he walks in the door" Which is totally false. My husband comes home from work and i never greet him with a problem, a concern, or even a statement. I give him time to unwind, change clothes, do what he needs to do, play with the kids and i address ANY issues i have AFTER the boys are in bed. I do not, i will not and i will NEVER discuss any issues i may have with my husband in front of my children. In fact if my husband stands and pokes and says things that he KNOWS will anger me, and there are kids around i dont speak, i dont comment. I get pissed yes but my job as a parent is to put them first. I do not respond on issues that i dont think are worth discussing and i do not talk about "adult" issues in front of my children, that is NOT fair to them.
When my husband wants to talk, he wants to talk then and there, he is very very good at turning all of my problems into being my fault. He accepts very little blame on ANYTHING and the blame he does accept always has a "but" with it. So if i say im hurt because you said this to me, he will respond with well im sorry i said that BUT if you wouldnt have done this, i wouldnt have said that. I find that absolutly crazy and unfair. I accept blame when i am to blame, i will apologize when i am wrong. I love my husband, i love my children i want it to work. Im just not sure how to make it work after 8 years starting great, and slowly coming to this. My children come first, and i wouldnt put ANYONE before them. I dont know what to do, ive been a stay at home mom for years and ive never felt this way. So really do i think its a case of stay at home mom blues? Um nope because that doesnt seem to be my issue. My issues seem to be with my husband passing blame on everyone but himself, not apologizing for the hurtful things he says, but instead has excuses as to why he says them, not listening when i TRY to talk to him in a civil way, and then accusing my of attacking him when i get angry at him for not listening to me when i talked CIVIL MONTHS before i attack him, For acting as though i am a worthless mother to my children, which hurts me the most. I think he uses the kid/mother attack because he knows i define myself as a mother and i take great pride in that so its a good hurtful jab. Im not sure what to do anymore, i think ive just simply had enough. I really really love my husband, and i love my sons and i would do anything for any of them however i am starting to think that my mental and emotional health is taking a huge plunge and if i want my boys to be happy, and if i want my husband and our relashionship to be happy once again maybe i do need to get away from him, maybe then he will appreciate all that i do to instead of telling me all of the things that i dont do. Like-take care of kids all day every day morning til night, no vacations. Run errands to pay bills, shop for household items with a bunch of children, keep a clean home, always have food ready for him and kids all taken care of so he doesnt have to come from work to do more work, taking my summer and spending 6 hours at ball diamonds doing baseball games for 4 different boys. Putting myself at the BOTTOM of anything. Always putting my husband, my children and even complete strangers first. Stressing myself out just so i can help anyone who might need some help. I just cant do it anymore. Geeze he doesnt even need to do yard work around here, i do that as well! We have a 1/2acre yard that i PUSH mow all of the time. I dont ask for his help because i respect and appreciate the job he does in putting a roof over our heads. I dont ask for that because i know and i want him to have his down time. But for some reason i never get mine and when i try to sneak in 15 mins of just sitting, i feel guilty because he will probably point out something that could have or should have been done when our next fight occurs.
When my husband wants to talk, he wants to talk then and there, he is very very good at turning all of my problems into being my fault. He accepts very little blame on ANYTHING and the blame he does accept always has a "but" with it. So if i say im hurt because you said this to me, he will respond with well im sorry i said that BUT if you wouldnt have done this, i wouldnt have said that. I find that absolutly crazy and unfair. I accept blame when i am to blame, i will apologize when i am wrong. I love my husband, i love my children i want it to work. Im just not sure how to make it work after 8 years starting great, and slowly coming to this. My children come first, and i wouldnt put ANYONE before them. I dont know what to do, ive been a stay at home mom for years and ive never felt this way. So really do i think its a case of stay at home mom blues? Um nope because that doesnt seem to be my issue. My issues seem to be with my husband passing blame on everyone but himself, not apologizing for the hurtful things he says, but instead has excuses as to why he says them, not listening when i TRY to talk to him in a civil way, and then accusing my of attacking him when i get angry at him for not listening to me when i talked CIVIL MONTHS before i attack him, For acting as though i am a worthless mother to my children, which hurts me the most. I think he uses the kid/mother attack because he knows i define myself as a mother and i take great pride in that so its a good hurtful jab. Im not sure what to do anymore, i think ive just simply had enough. I really really love my husband, and i love my sons and i would do anything for any of them however i am starting to think that my mental and emotional health is taking a huge plunge and if i want my boys to be happy, and if i want my husband and our relashionship to be happy once again maybe i do need to get away from him, maybe then he will appreciate all that i do to instead of telling me all of the things that i dont do. Like-take care of kids all day every day morning til night, no vacations. Run errands to pay bills, shop for household items with a bunch of children, keep a clean home, always have food ready for him and kids all taken care of so he doesnt have to come from work to do more work, taking my summer and spending 6 hours at ball diamonds doing baseball games for 4 different boys. Putting myself at the BOTTOM of anything. Always putting my husband, my children and even complete strangers first. Stressing myself out just so i can help anyone who might need some help. I just cant do it anymore. Geeze he doesnt even need to do yard work around here, i do that as well! We have a 1/2acre yard that i PUSH mow all of the time. I dont ask for his help because i respect and appreciate the job he does in putting a roof over our heads. I dont ask for that because i know and i want him to have his down time. But for some reason i never get mine and when i try to sneak in 15 mins of just sitting, i feel guilty because he will probably point out something that could have or should have been done when our next fight occurs.