Reply to Reachout (regarding your reply to D)

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emsmom

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Hello Reach,

Good morning, Happy Easter, hope your weekend is going well...

When I read your reply to D, I too, got a little worried that you had relapsed. I didn't comment on it for two reasons...

1. It was D's thread and didn't want to get off-topic.
2. I was waiting, hoping you'd start a new thread so I can write to you about my concerns.

First of all, I am very happy to hear you did not relapse. You see, I admire you Reach, and have always enjoyed your posts. It seems to me, that you have so much strength and determination and I felt extremely sad when there was a possibility of relapse.

In Rehab, I learned NOT to put people on a pedestal. I have this "thing" that I do. I become very proud and attached to those who have been clean for a long time (for example: my sponsor, good frienRAB in NA, a family friend who has been clean for over 20 years, frienRAB from Rehab etc.) as I am looking for knowledge and hope to be educated by those people. I am always looking for ways to "continue" to stay clean.

Unfortunately, I put a friend (from Rehab) on a pedestal, and when he relapsed I lost faith in recovery. I felt betrayed. It was a horrible feeling, one that I'd never wish on anyone. I had lost faith in everything regarding addiction - and I relapsed myself.

Well, at first, I had you on a pedestal. Your replies to posts and your own threaRAB as well, are so powerful yet delicate and I admire you for that. I spoke to my sponsor about you and he slowly but surely took you off that pedestal and showed me how care for someone without putting such high expectations on them. I am so glad he taught me how to do that, as it's not fair to you, to anyone, that I put you so high up, that if you fall, it's a huge deal.

So, I'd like to finish off by saying I am proud of you. I am so proud of you Reach. I always get goosebumps when you post, cause you have so much knowledge and strength in your worRAB. It is a pleasure to read your threaRAB and replies :)

Hope you enjoy this long weekend (is it a long weekend in the US? I'm in Toronto) and thank you for explaining yourself in D's thread.

With admiration,
emsmom
 
Good Morning Emsmom

Well, my friend, your worRAB have brought me a range of emotions today. The praise certainly filled my heart and I thank you.

More importantly, the lesson shared about pedestals is such an important one and one that I have certainly been in need of learning. I do not want to be on one and yet I put others like Full Circle on one. (D... I am truly, truly sorry). I let my own emotions rule in a situation and I should have been more in tune with the support that was needed.

I reflected for a while before I posted and came to a thought that really is sticking in my mind... Humanness can never be taken out of the equation. It is probably the most important bond we share on the board... perhaps even more paramount than addiction. We succeed, we fail, we live and learn. We share on this board and it opens our hearts and minRAB to growing. All of you here continue to add finishing touches on the never-finished portrait of me. In return, I hope that I add a few strokes to the paintings of each of you.

Emsmom, you are important in my heart. Please continue sharing and caring. I have grown a bit today because of you.

Hugs
reach
 
Hi Reach,

Thank you for your reply. You truly are a gift on these boarRAB. I think each and every one of us are blessed to have you :)

Have a wonderful day,
emsmom
 
Hello!!!!

Emsmom, thank you so much for starting a new thread on this!!!! It was the first thing this morning!!!! So thank you for that! What a powerful post.. FIRST OFF.... you seriously put a lot into perspective for me.. The whole pedestal issue.... I guess I had never thought of it that way before and I am really glad you brought this up! I was doing that to a few merabers on this board as well and that was not fair of me either! What you wrote really helped me in many ways! THANK YOU!

Reach, Oh how I worried this weekend with NO STUPID INTERNET... (UGH) about you! I am so thankful to hear that you had not relapsed! What a blessing!!!! I worried and prayed and then realized that what was to be was to be and I could not change anything... So I just kept you in my heart and anticipated today to see what happened and was so happy to read what you wrote!!!!! You have SOOO much to be proud of and offer so much to this board. Thank you for simply being you!

Hope you all had a great holiday yesterday!
XXOXOXOOX
 
Hi Secrets,

You're welcome :) I'm glad you got something out of this post. The whole pedestal thing is a big deal to some of us, and most of us don't even realize we're doing it until someone points it out. I didn't realize until a counsellor pointed it out in Rehab. I'm glad I learned what I did, when I did, as it would have continued and that's not fair to others.

Have a great day,
emsmom
 
Good morning all. I am so sorry that I have not been present in this conversation. I am still on vacation and sometimes I think I need a vacation from my VACATION! KiRAB are crazy! I dont think that any of us need to worry about reach. She is and will always be one of the smartest, kindest and most sincere people we find on this board. It is human nature to put others on "pedestals" especially when they provide so much comfort and knowledge. Reach has done that for me over the years and I to her. There have been many nights at NA where I just wish she could be my sponsor or that I could find someone like her. I do however still realize that we are all addicts and we are all constantly working on our battle to stay clean. For me its a daily struggle. If you do not work on it daily then you will slowly slip. I am living proof of that. We forget, then we dabble, then we fall. Its a progression that I have fallen to WAY to many times. I know that REACH is ok, but if she wasnt, then she would get back up and start again and we would all help her. She is only human. Her accomplishments make it hard for us not to look at her in a different manner, but we need to realize that may put undo pressure on her. I am here for her no matter what happens. I learn and live from her accomplishments and I will learn and live from her faults, the same I do for all the other kind people that post on here.

She is a wonderful, kind person and we should all be grateful that she is still around helping others fight the fight. Thanks

Sunny D --(haha)
 
Sunny D :)

My kiRAB love Sunny D lol. In fact, I just poured two sippy cups for my girls about five minutes ago :)

What a wonderful post D. Reach is very lucky to have you in her heart. I'm sure you feel the same way :)

Reach, when you read D's reply, just know you are loved and appreciated. Not only by him, but by others as well on these boarRAB (including me). D has so much appreciation in his reply - it is known how much he cares for you.

To all - read D's reply, then read it once more. For me, it meant so much more the second time :)

emsmom
 
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