I'm 16 years old. I'm 5'5 and 147 lbs right now. When I just starved myself, I was 104 at my lowest. That was just 6 months ago. Then I tried to get better. Now I can't find balance. I binge half the time and make desperate attempts to compensate for it by starving myself. I've been like this. Showing some sort of eating disorder symptom for 3 years now. Every day for 3 years. It's who I am. It's my identity now. I don't want to give it up. But at the same time I don't want to be like this anymore..
Last year I tried to tell my mom I had an eating problem. I don't think she took it seriously. All she does is criticize me for eating too much now. She gives me so many reasons to go back to starving myself. And I want to. I keep trying, but I can't anymore. Now I binge. Sometimes throw up too. I guess I'm every eating disorder imaginable.
Right now I want to get better, but in 5 minutes I doubt I will. I haven't eaten anything yet today. For the past hour, I've gone in and out of the kitchen, at least 15 times. I keep getting the ingredients out to make myself some cereal, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I feel so guilty and weak for even thinking about eating. I'm scared to eat anything because I know it's going to set off a binge. And I know that if I don't eat, I'll be skinny again. And maybe I'll be happy.
Last year I tried to tell my mom I had an eating problem. I don't think she took it seriously. All she does is criticize me for eating too much now. She gives me so many reasons to go back to starving myself. And I want to. I keep trying, but I can't anymore. Now I binge. Sometimes throw up too. I guess I'm every eating disorder imaginable.
Right now I want to get better, but in 5 minutes I doubt I will. I haven't eaten anything yet today. For the past hour, I've gone in and out of the kitchen, at least 15 times. I keep getting the ingredients out to make myself some cereal, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I feel so guilty and weak for even thinking about eating. I'm scared to eat anything because I know it's going to set off a binge. And I know that if I don't eat, I'll be skinny again. And maybe I'll be happy.