Really nowhere else to turn... Advice

M

MrGizmo757

New member
Hello, this is my first post. My story basically starts when I was in 10th grade. I was an average student with friends and I played sports. Never had a girlfriend and family was very religious growing up. As I progressed into 11th grade, things became way more complex. Things like drugs, alcohol, and women entered into the mix. Up to this point I had been sober and that all changed. I became a pot head and found a girl. Everything seemed great until the relationship became a disaster. She messed around with some people, we broke up and got back together. This ritual continued for most of my final year of high school. I also became a heavier user of drugs and alcohol. I still had friends that had grown up with me and enjoyed me for me. Of course they were confused why I was torturing myself over this girl. I also would get really drunk and stoned and steal random things. I was pretty much imploding from inside and everything culminated when A) I lost a friend I had known since middle school over some drugs B) That girl i couldn't live without died within 6 months of the fallout.

So I went off to college after dealing with a drug arrest and literally became so completely introverted its crazy. I literally was scared of people and over the course of 4 years at college I might have made 3-4 friends and probably only 1 that I even speak to on a regular basis. I have severe anxiety in certain situations and my hair has started to thin were I can see my scalp when my hair is wet. I have been sober for at least 6-7 years but currently have no friends outside of family and the occasional college acquaintance. I don't speak to ANY of my friends from grade school up to high school. I can't believe I did things I did to those people and its partially my fault for becoming so closed off I wouldn't even answer my phone when they called. I haven't had another girlfriend since the first one. I live alone and basically have built a prison for myself. I am 26 and not a bad person.
 
Complex: Do you work, have a job? You sound depressed. I'm glad you're clean for 7 years. That's a start. You could use some counseling to try to deal with the depression.
What's your take on church these days? Returning to church could open some new doors for you. You could get some free counseling there from the clergy.

Sometimes people make mistakes in their lives and it only makes them stronger in the long run. You could be a good example for other kids that could be going down the wrong path like you did. Churches have youth groups that you could get involved in and help these young kids by mentoring to them. It would get you out of the house.

Where's your family? I would imagine they let you go your own way because they don't want to deal with your issues. You'll have to prove to people that you've changed and have remorse for your past mistakes in order for them to trust you again. I wish you luck.
 
Thanks for responding, I have never taken any antidepressants and I am not even sure I am depressed. I did sit down and talk with a counselor one time but he charged like 120 dollars a visit so i decided I against setting up a plan.

My family is still in my life and are some of the only people I interact with on a daily basis.

I think church is a good thing but going to private high school and seeing the things that went on at a place like that maybe bothered me a little. I never really connected with church my whole life unless parents dragged me along. I always hated waking up early and never really developed a great joy for going. I have been a few times to a church locally but I attend very infrequently.

I also have developed a fear of attending weddings.
 
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