theanonyMUSICquestion
New member
I just wrote this, any advice or thoughts?
I just wrote this poem.. so it's rough, but what do you think? What do you think its about? What can I fix? 1-10?
Should I say "Like limbs of a tree/It spread like trickery" instead of my original line?
Should I say "That bird left, and left me/A sense of overbearing inquiry" instead of the original?
Thanks!
________________________
A bird flew to my nest today
Sparing its dear liberty,
To enchant me with its mystery.
Its feathers colored me
Beautiful shades of free,
In tones and variations of melody
It sang to me;
Like the sea
Like the trees
Living, and feeling,
All the would be's.
That bird left, and left me
A sense of overbearing misery
Like the limbs of a tree
Its spread was trickery.
Because I am bound
By merciless symmetry.
Because that bird
Sang to me,
Of all of the opportunity.
I just wrote this poem.. so it's rough, but what do you think? What do you think its about? What can I fix? 1-10?
Should I say "Like limbs of a tree/It spread like trickery" instead of my original line?
Should I say "That bird left, and left me/A sense of overbearing inquiry" instead of the original?
Thanks!
________________________
A bird flew to my nest today
Sparing its dear liberty,
To enchant me with its mystery.
Its feathers colored me
Beautiful shades of free,
In tones and variations of melody
It sang to me;
Like the sea
Like the trees
Living, and feeling,
All the would be's.
That bird left, and left me
A sense of overbearing misery
Like the limbs of a tree
Its spread was trickery.
Because I am bound
By merciless symmetry.
Because that bird
Sang to me,
Of all of the opportunity.