S
sarah.☮♥
Guest
I'm 13, and love poetry. This is one of my first poems I've written. Rate it?
Give me ways it can be improved? Thanks for the help.
The pain I felt inside my mind,
Was nothing I could control.
This pain took my happiness and love,
and my heart was no longer whole.
There was no one I could talk to,
No one I could trust.
So I turned to the one thing that I could,
It was silver and sharp, with rust.
When I stuck it to my wrist,
My pain seemed to disappear,
And the confusion inside my mind,
Finally, became clear.
With this silver object,
I could finally be in command,
It was the only thing I could control,
This is not what I had planned.
I wanted someone to notice to pain,
The pain that I always endured,
But no one seemed to care about me,
My life seemed so unsure.
So my wrists continue to ache,
And my heart never cedes to hurt.
The pain inside is amplified,
And I maintain to feel like dirt.
The old feelings of happiness and joy,
Now, just feel like a dream.
The quiet whisper for help,
Has now become a scream.
Give me ways it can be improved? Thanks for the help.
The pain I felt inside my mind,
Was nothing I could control.
This pain took my happiness and love,
and my heart was no longer whole.
There was no one I could talk to,
No one I could trust.
So I turned to the one thing that I could,
It was silver and sharp, with rust.
When I stuck it to my wrist,
My pain seemed to disappear,
And the confusion inside my mind,
Finally, became clear.
With this silver object,
I could finally be in command,
It was the only thing I could control,
This is not what I had planned.
I wanted someone to notice to pain,
The pain that I always endured,
But no one seemed to care about me,
My life seemed so unsure.
So my wrists continue to ache,
And my heart never cedes to hurt.
The pain inside is amplified,
And I maintain to feel like dirt.
The old feelings of happiness and joy,
Now, just feel like a dream.
The quiet whisper for help,
Has now become a scream.