Random on-the-spot paragraphs I wrote. Scrap or no?

Ok, I just had the urge to write this and threw in some names.

The hospital room smelled like sickness. And hot dogs. Steph lay beneath a twisting mass of neon colored cables, her dinosaur print gown exposing the cast that encircled her left leg. When I'd left, she'd been asleep, with a line of drool making it's way over her skin. Now the drool was gone--smeared across the back of her hand--and she was very much awake.

Her antifreeze-green eyes flashed dangerously in the bleaching light, her mouth a thin line of repressed anger. Whether she was in pain, Seth had said something so awful only Seth could say it, or she was agonizing over the fact that she wore a dress covered in grinning pterodactyls, it was impossible to tell. Possibly it was all three.

I took great pains to keep out of the reach of her IV-injected hands.

Seth noticed me and beamed, reaching for the Styrofoam cup in my hand. Reluctantly, I handed it over, letting a drop of black coffee spill, dying his skin the color of Maci's hair.

Bad Ethan. Shouldn't be thinking about Maci.

"Thanks bro," Seth said, tossing back half the cup in one swallow. His T-shirt was dirty and smelled like the burgers they sold at the cafe down the hall. The white print spelled out 'I do all my own stunts' in cracked, fading letters. He looked like he hadn't showered in days.

"How can you drink that stuff?" I asked, wrinkling my nose. "It's going to give you a third eye or something."



So, yeah. I was bored. Tell me what you think.
Jade: If you mean the (Bad Ethan. Shouldn't be thinking about Maci) thing, it was Ethan (whose POV it's from) talking to himself in third person. Otherwise it is in first person. Sorry if this was confusing. There isn't more detail because it's starting off in the middle of a story I haven't even developed.
 
I think the first paragraph is very good, and the others aren't bad either. Keep writing, I think you have some interesting ideas :)
 
I think the first paragraph is very good, and the others aren't bad either. Keep writing, I think you have some interesting ideas :)
 
For spur of the moment, their really good. Go to my profile and help me come up with a title for my short story. First question under "My Questions"
 
I think it was very confusing. I don't understand where all the characters are coming from all of a sudden. Also, it sounds like It is switching views a lot. I would go with first person which is one of the characters telling the story in I and Me. I think that would be less confusing for something like this. WAY MORE DETAIL! It would sound better and could be imagined better with detail.
 
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