Invisible Talker
New member
(Not necessarily religion-related)
Mine is:
Hello. Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
- If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
- If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.
- If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
- If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
- If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Please stay on the line until we can trace the call.
- If you are schizophrenic, please listen carefully until the voices tell you which number to press.
- If you are borderline, it doesn't matter which number you press-- no one will answer.
- If you are manic-depressive, please press 7 as fast as you can for the next 24 hours, and then crash for the following 24 hours.
- If you have bipolar affective disorder, please leave a message after the beep and before the beep and after the beep.
- If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you.
- If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
- If you have ADD, wander away from the phone and start another task.
- If you suffer from generalized anxiety disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.
- If you suffer from social phobia, please hang up and go to a party.
- If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone, and mother's maiden name.
- If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.
- If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
- If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
- If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
- If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
Thank you for calling the Psychiatric Hotline.
Anonnie Mouse - Nice.
Mine is:
Hello. Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
- If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
- If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.
- If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
- If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
- If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Please stay on the line until we can trace the call.
- If you are schizophrenic, please listen carefully until the voices tell you which number to press.
- If you are borderline, it doesn't matter which number you press-- no one will answer.
- If you are manic-depressive, please press 7 as fast as you can for the next 24 hours, and then crash for the following 24 hours.
- If you have bipolar affective disorder, please leave a message after the beep and before the beep and after the beep.
- If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you.
- If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
- If you have ADD, wander away from the phone and start another task.
- If you suffer from generalized anxiety disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.
- If you suffer from social phobia, please hang up and go to a party.
- If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone, and mother's maiden name.
- If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.
- If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
- If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
- If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
- If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
Thank you for calling the Psychiatric Hotline.
Anonnie Mouse - Nice.