Problems with in-laws over the holidays?

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Katie V

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My husband (who is British South Indian) and I have been married for almost 4 years now, and during that time, my in-laws have made it clear that they don't like or trust me (particularly because I'm American and white). I've tried my best to be polite and helpful, despite their none-too-hidden insults, but my attempts at kindness are always percieved as supposedly cunning ways to subvert and "bring down" their family. All of this is ludicrous to me- I grew up in a loving, balanced and trusting family, and have no interest in family back-chat, politics or suspicion. My husband has always stood up for me (despite my pleadings to just let things slide), but they take it as me controlling him and making him say "disrespectful" things- of course, nothing could be further than the truth (I can't even get my husband to take out the trash, let alone say a particular thing to his parents). The problem is, they've invited us for Christmas, and are just telling us now that they've rented a separate house for us to stay in because they "can't take us". We're floored! It makes us (well, me) feel not the least bit welcome, and while I'm sure some would be happy to have the space, I really had hoped that at some point we could come together as a family- we've got a 5-month-old who is set to have her first Christmas, and I really wanted to surround her with love. Is there anything I can do? I'm afraid that talking back to them will cause a permanent rift- they're very sensitive to any hint of disagreement.
 
I would spend Christmas at home with my husband and child. I would not give them the time of day
 
Reading every thing about you and your husband's family,it is just clearly black & white thing,as they told you and your husband when he married you.why you even bothered to go and get humiliated in that kind of family.your obligation is your baby and your husband.if he really loves you he will understand your feelings and what his parents think about you 'so he should be with you to celebrate christmas at home with the family or friend who do care for both of you.
one thing you must remember that you can not seperate your husband from his family but you can make him understand about your hurts from his parents,and let him deal with his family you must respect them and keep a safe distance with them.your child will grow up then it may change their attitude towards you,if they have love and care for their grand child.
when you married the man and knew that what you will get from his parents then it should not be a surprise to you.just deal with the fact and show that you are white american and you are different in a better way,and what ever you are their son loves you and married you.
never give them any excuse to exploit you relationship with your husband by telling your husband against them.
good luck.
 
ok honestly, you're a SUCK A**.... Are you kidding me? My husband is also of a different race and my in laws were a** holes for the 1st 3 years. Now that we have kids they want to play family but it's a little hard doing that. I refuse to spend my xmas hanging out with a bunch of FAKERS... So i dont go. In fact i dont even see those people once a year. Maybe every other year. You're a grown woman.... The answer to your question is simple, do what you feel is right. What works for me might not work for you or your family but there is no way in HELL i would let them treat me like that. If they're jerks, you and your little girl isnt missing out on much anyway.... Send your hubby by his self if he wants to see his fam... thats what i do
 
I wouldn't go. They basically have slapped you all in the face sayin gthey can't take you.. why would you spend the holidays with them?
 
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