Problem rant #3 (warning long)?

[Alex]

Well, I chose to write another one, not because I want to sound whiny and look for attention, just I don't really have anyone to tell my problems to now, and so writing it here in my fake account makes me feel like I got to say what I wanted without telling anyone I actually know. I have also changed the names of everyone to keep their identity safe. This is for what has happened in almost the last two months. It started with where I left off last time, with me becoming a man-whore. I started to get the reputation of being a sex object, a boy toy. And after getting with all my friends I got friends of my friends contacting me to make me their sex toy. Cowboy started to date one of my ex's named Tink. It started off well, but my sex-drive, her attraction towards me, and him being rude to me. Caused me to have Tink cheat on him twice with me meaning I broke one of my biggest mental rules of never being the other man. Meanwhile I kept contacting my ex Coco every time I drank usually getting mad at her. I would also vent my frustration revolving her to my circle of friends causing them to turn against her. Once I lost all self-worth of myself I knew I had to re-think my life before I end up hurting more people. So after some deep thinking I learned how to become proud of myself and that I didn't have any feelings for my ex Jen still. It was just that I been falling apart and since I saw her as my only chance of ever loving myself that gave made me have the obsession to wanting to have her love so bad still. I completely ignored the girl who I had real feelings for this whole time which I didn't realize until I learned to be finally be proud of myself....my ex Coco who I hurt so bad during the time we dated and a little after, and so I chose to change my entire life, I was not going to be a man-whore or someone who is unstable and full of drama anymore. I was going to turn over a new leaf and do it all for my ex Coco. I wish changing was that easy, but it wasn't of course. When I thought she didn't have any feelings for me at all anymore I felt stupid because I had a small hope that we would get back together if I became the man she deserved. I went into a mini depression where I stayed in bed all day, and snapping at chewbacca, baby, patches, and Ryu. I found out later that I misunderstood and that she really does still love me.Even though I got her love still, I continued trying to change for her, but during me trying to change. I got colder, because I no longer cared about people as much as I used to because I no longer needed their approval as bad as before because I had my own approval. I got rid of several people who were stressing me out. And I ended up ruining Cowboy's life all of January by making him fall in love, heartbroken, betrayed, played, and used. Which started off to find out if he was a cheater or not then ended with me just wanting revenge from several people. I hurt alot of people during the entire mind game which lasted all of January. I ended up telling Coco goodbye forever last night, because she was hurt 8 times that I know of during the destruction of Cowboy. Cowboy left along with Baby, Ryu, Violet, Loca, Tomato, Fang, and with a few more who are close to leaving. I wanted to change, I wanted not to rely on people like Coco wanted me to, but I have become cold, mean, heartless, and lost the girl who I did this all for in the beginning. Now I'm left thinking if I should just let her go from all the pain I caused, or if I should try to take a few steps back and try to get her back. Either way I know I need to change the direction i'm going with the life change. But i'm still working on that....right now I just want to know if I should try to get her back or not.