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Guest
Our first baby is due in November and we are staying with my in-laws for the winter--not ideal but we don't really have a choice due to finances. I like my in-laws, but they invited a friend, Barbara, and her two children to stay with them for a few months about 4 years ago when she was going through a messy divorce and she still hasn't left.
Barbara is generally a bad person; she is verbally abusive to her children, makes up illnesses so that she doesn't have to work, and her youngest child is emotionally disturbed (he kicked their dog to death two years ago). She also is FILTHY and brought cockroaches with her in her luggage that infested the house.
We will have our own space, and I am fairly certain that I can keep my baby safe in this environment. However, I am worried for the long term. My mother in-law refuses to kick Barbara out, even though both of her sons hate her. She also has told my husband that "it makes her sad that I have no conception of what it means to be a family" because I refuse to interact with Barbara, and that she is concerned that I won't let her spend time with her granddaughter. We are trying to set up a time to sit down and talk to her, but I don't know how to be honest without offending her.
This is how I honestly feel:
1. She and the house are so filthy that I don't want anyone except for me and my husband to touch the baby, period.
2. I don't want her or anyone else in the nursery, period.
3. My husband, daughter, and I will not be around for the holidays if Barbara and her kids are there, period.
4. As soon as we have money we won't be coming back to the house, ever, until Barbara is gone and it is cleaned. She, of course, can visit us at our new house when we move in the spring.
My mother in-law is really a very sweet woman, and I don't want to ruin our relationship in the long term. That being said, I don't know why Barbara has such a hold over her and it makes me not trust her/feel safe letting her watch the baby. But she is SO excited about our little girl.
I am so stressed, and I have no idea how to handle the situation. I am particularly worried about the holiday situation--normally we split our time between his family and mine, but I don't want my daughter around Barbara and her son, especially on Christmas. What should we do? Moving will take care of some of this, but it really isn't an option for at least the next 6 months.
Barbara is generally a bad person; she is verbally abusive to her children, makes up illnesses so that she doesn't have to work, and her youngest child is emotionally disturbed (he kicked their dog to death two years ago). She also is FILTHY and brought cockroaches with her in her luggage that infested the house.
We will have our own space, and I am fairly certain that I can keep my baby safe in this environment. However, I am worried for the long term. My mother in-law refuses to kick Barbara out, even though both of her sons hate her. She also has told my husband that "it makes her sad that I have no conception of what it means to be a family" because I refuse to interact with Barbara, and that she is concerned that I won't let her spend time with her granddaughter. We are trying to set up a time to sit down and talk to her, but I don't know how to be honest without offending her.
This is how I honestly feel:
1. She and the house are so filthy that I don't want anyone except for me and my husband to touch the baby, period.
2. I don't want her or anyone else in the nursery, period.
3. My husband, daughter, and I will not be around for the holidays if Barbara and her kids are there, period.
4. As soon as we have money we won't be coming back to the house, ever, until Barbara is gone and it is cleaned. She, of course, can visit us at our new house when we move in the spring.
My mother in-law is really a very sweet woman, and I don't want to ruin our relationship in the long term. That being said, I don't know why Barbara has such a hold over her and it makes me not trust her/feel safe letting her watch the baby. But she is SO excited about our little girl.
I am so stressed, and I have no idea how to handle the situation. I am particularly worried about the holiday situation--normally we split our time between his family and mine, but I don't want my daughter around Barbara and her son, especially on Christmas. What should we do? Moving will take care of some of this, but it really isn't an option for at least the next 6 months.