Pre-teens and messy rooms?

[Linda]

I have two stepadaughters ages 11 &13. My husbands wife passed away when the children were 2 and 3 years old. They are being raised by their father. One thing has bothered me since I met the kids over 5 years ago- they are extremely messy. They eat like toddlers with food stains on their clothing and food off the plate on the table and floor. Their bedrooms are littered with food, dirty panties, etc. This has been an issue since day 1 with me. I am not a tyrant, but I don't expect to live in a clean house. I would be irresponsible to keep this going- but I have tried everything. My husband and his mother fault me as not being a better housekeeper but these kids need 24 hour survelience. I spend 4 hours a day cleaning- I can't afford a maid and I have tried to discuss these issues with the girls but they feel I am picking on them. By the way, my husband is the leader of the pack- he is a complete slob. How do I adjust- it's been 4 years and I don't want to have company because my house is always a mess. Also, the kids didn't start to dress themselves until last year! as in picking out clothes and putting them on properly. The grandmother dressed the children from panties to shoes until they were 10, is this normal??