Sorry this is going to be a little long, I'm just about to go crazy.
My husband leaves for Afghanistan in 5 days and it seems like the fighting has just steadily increased to the point where now we're sleeping in seperate rooms. Every few days things just escalate into an all-out screaming match, and it's not just over petting things either.
This past week I have had absolutely no desire to even wake up in the morning. I get up when he leaves for work to hug him, and then I crawl back into bed until 1 or 2 pm. I don't even necessarily sleep, I just lie there for hours with no will to even get up.
I tried telling him about it and he just said I needed to force myself to get up and pretend to be happy. So I tried that and it worked for maybe a few hours before I was back to feeling like the bottom of the world. Today his unit was having a going-away party on the beach for all the deployers. We've only been here for 3 months so that was the first time I'd actually met anyone.
The first hour or so was fine...I was going around meeting the people he worked with. Then the other wives showed up I was observing them. They had their established cliques and were pretty much ignoring everything outside the click. I was the only one not drinking (so it seemed) so I was further alienated by that and as time went on the depression came back more and more to the point where I was fighting back tears just pretending to be ok so I wouldn't look like a boob in front of total strangers.
I asked my husband if we could leave and for some reason that flipped him out. I walked to the car alone and said I would come and pick him up in a few hours and that's when another guy from his unit came and talked to me and convinced my husband to talk to me and so he came and agreed to leave.
So we get in the car and I'm driving away with tears rolling down my face and suddenly my husband just started screaming about how I was ruining his last few days here and he wanted to have fun with his unit for once and he was just starting to meet all of them, but because of my attitude he couldn't. The entire drive home was just him screaming about how angry he was, how he's only been in the fleet for 4 months and he's deploying for a year and he just wants me to stop whining and be happy so he doesn't have to go to Afghanistan and leave a depressed wife at home.
It just seems like the closer and closer he gets to leaving the more depresed I get and the more angry he gets and obviously my depressed self doesn't want to deal with his angry self and vice versa and I don't even know what to do anymore. He comes home and either withdraws into his video games or else he will watch TV and pretend to spend time with me. If I ask him to do something legitimate with me, like go see a movie, he is suddenly "tired". He goes to bed at like 8 in the evening. So then everytime I ask him to just spend time with me before he leaves he screams and says he's spent tons of time with me and his proof is that he "hasn't played video games in a week". But we're not really spending time together...he's just watching whatever he wants on TV. If I join him, fine. If I don't, so what.
I just don't know what to do anymore. He's always yelling at me, saying I don't "understand" what he's going through and I have tried to understand but obviously I can't so then I don't know what I'M supposed to do, and I'm still trying to keep myself from just staying in bed for days at a time, but everytime I mention to him that I'm not handling things well he just freaks out at me and screams "what am I supposed to do about that??"
Just someone help.
Basically I feel like the wicked witch and I feel guilty for asking him to leave the party early, but I just couldn't emotionally stand to be there anymore. I was fighting back tears. It feels like he's going to leave pissed off at me and I don't want that, and so the thought of us leaving on a bad note makes me even more depressed. But every attempt to communicate just turns into a fight. So am I supposed to just suck it up for another 5 days or what? Has anyone else been through this before?
My husband leaves for Afghanistan in 5 days and it seems like the fighting has just steadily increased to the point where now we're sleeping in seperate rooms. Every few days things just escalate into an all-out screaming match, and it's not just over petting things either.
This past week I have had absolutely no desire to even wake up in the morning. I get up when he leaves for work to hug him, and then I crawl back into bed until 1 or 2 pm. I don't even necessarily sleep, I just lie there for hours with no will to even get up.
I tried telling him about it and he just said I needed to force myself to get up and pretend to be happy. So I tried that and it worked for maybe a few hours before I was back to feeling like the bottom of the world. Today his unit was having a going-away party on the beach for all the deployers. We've only been here for 3 months so that was the first time I'd actually met anyone.
The first hour or so was fine...I was going around meeting the people he worked with. Then the other wives showed up I was observing them. They had their established cliques and were pretty much ignoring everything outside the click. I was the only one not drinking (so it seemed) so I was further alienated by that and as time went on the depression came back more and more to the point where I was fighting back tears just pretending to be ok so I wouldn't look like a boob in front of total strangers.
I asked my husband if we could leave and for some reason that flipped him out. I walked to the car alone and said I would come and pick him up in a few hours and that's when another guy from his unit came and talked to me and convinced my husband to talk to me and so he came and agreed to leave.
So we get in the car and I'm driving away with tears rolling down my face and suddenly my husband just started screaming about how I was ruining his last few days here and he wanted to have fun with his unit for once and he was just starting to meet all of them, but because of my attitude he couldn't. The entire drive home was just him screaming about how angry he was, how he's only been in the fleet for 4 months and he's deploying for a year and he just wants me to stop whining and be happy so he doesn't have to go to Afghanistan and leave a depressed wife at home.
It just seems like the closer and closer he gets to leaving the more depresed I get and the more angry he gets and obviously my depressed self doesn't want to deal with his angry self and vice versa and I don't even know what to do anymore. He comes home and either withdraws into his video games or else he will watch TV and pretend to spend time with me. If I ask him to do something legitimate with me, like go see a movie, he is suddenly "tired". He goes to bed at like 8 in the evening. So then everytime I ask him to just spend time with me before he leaves he screams and says he's spent tons of time with me and his proof is that he "hasn't played video games in a week". But we're not really spending time together...he's just watching whatever he wants on TV. If I join him, fine. If I don't, so what.
I just don't know what to do anymore. He's always yelling at me, saying I don't "understand" what he's going through and I have tried to understand but obviously I can't so then I don't know what I'M supposed to do, and I'm still trying to keep myself from just staying in bed for days at a time, but everytime I mention to him that I'm not handling things well he just freaks out at me and screams "what am I supposed to do about that??"
Just someone help.
Basically I feel like the wicked witch and I feel guilty for asking him to leave the party early, but I just couldn't emotionally stand to be there anymore. I was fighting back tears. It feels like he's going to leave pissed off at me and I don't want that, and so the thought of us leaving on a bad note makes me even more depressed. But every attempt to communicate just turns into a fight. So am I supposed to just suck it up for another 5 days or what? Has anyone else been through this before?