I need someone to please read these poems and tell me what you think. I have to write a poetry anthology for English, and all my poems are about losing a friend. Any suggestions?
GOOD BYE
Pounding on the windows
the car pulls away
pink bracelet clasped in my hand
I'll see you someday
The lonliness is awful
it eats at my heart
now that you're gone
it's like being pierced by a dart
The bracelet in my hand
from swimming at the pool
might be made of paper
but it reminds me of you
We jumped off the diving board
swam a couple laps
We knew it was out last day
so we tried to make it last
Now i'm sitting in my bedroom
thinking of your name
The phone is in my hand
cuase i'm the one to blame
I'm too scared to call your house
You live so far away
But if there's hope in being friends
I'll call sometime today
Ring, Ring, Ring
A voice on the other end
"Hello?" they ask, I cringe in fear
and hang up before we mend
I really do like you
and you like me
but I'm different now
and you're the same as I used to be
Under a mask of tightness
I still am the same
But it takes you to crack it
and it might cause some pain
Like a butterfly in a cocoon
I'll someday break free
But until that day it really is
you against me.
LOST IN THE RAINFOREST OF FRIENDSHIP
as we grow older
i drift apart from you
but inside my heart i hold special these memoires
of swinging in the heavens
hiding in the rainforest
escaping evil wizards
i really miss those evenings
of slurping up spaghetti
or whispering about happenings
sometimes when i visit you
i glimpse a tiny spark
of what it used to be
but then the rain cloud
surfaces again, shielding
me from you
as we sleep in the open tent
playing board games to the sound of splattering rain
i again remember
my foot hits the ball
and passes it to you, but
its still not the same
we used to be a team
winning every game
overcoming every barrier
but
now
it's
different.
distance cannot change
what our friendship used to be
but it changes what it is
long letters give way to postcards
forever phone calls to quick chats
bffs to memories
but
i
still
remember.
SOMEONE
Someone save me from this fate
Someone lead me to the gate
Someone hand me keys to hope
Someone hug me, help me cope
Someone tell me I'm the one
Someone help me touch the sun
Someone whisper to my ear
"You can do it, just don't fear,"
Someone hearten me to dream
Someone hide me from the seen
Someone set forth change in me
Someone change the world I see.
Thanks for any advice!
GOOD BYE
Pounding on the windows
the car pulls away
pink bracelet clasped in my hand
I'll see you someday
The lonliness is awful
it eats at my heart
now that you're gone
it's like being pierced by a dart
The bracelet in my hand
from swimming at the pool
might be made of paper
but it reminds me of you
We jumped off the diving board
swam a couple laps
We knew it was out last day
so we tried to make it last
Now i'm sitting in my bedroom
thinking of your name
The phone is in my hand
cuase i'm the one to blame
I'm too scared to call your house
You live so far away
But if there's hope in being friends
I'll call sometime today
Ring, Ring, Ring
A voice on the other end
"Hello?" they ask, I cringe in fear
and hang up before we mend
I really do like you
and you like me
but I'm different now
and you're the same as I used to be
Under a mask of tightness
I still am the same
But it takes you to crack it
and it might cause some pain
Like a butterfly in a cocoon
I'll someday break free
But until that day it really is
you against me.
LOST IN THE RAINFOREST OF FRIENDSHIP
as we grow older
i drift apart from you
but inside my heart i hold special these memoires
of swinging in the heavens
hiding in the rainforest
escaping evil wizards
i really miss those evenings
of slurping up spaghetti
or whispering about happenings
sometimes when i visit you
i glimpse a tiny spark
of what it used to be
but then the rain cloud
surfaces again, shielding
me from you
as we sleep in the open tent
playing board games to the sound of splattering rain
i again remember
my foot hits the ball
and passes it to you, but
its still not the same
we used to be a team
winning every game
overcoming every barrier
but
now
it's
different.
distance cannot change
what our friendship used to be
but it changes what it is
long letters give way to postcards
forever phone calls to quick chats
bffs to memories
but
i
still
remember.
SOMEONE
Someone save me from this fate
Someone lead me to the gate
Someone hand me keys to hope
Someone hug me, help me cope
Someone tell me I'm the one
Someone help me touch the sun
Someone whisper to my ear
"You can do it, just don't fear,"
Someone hearten me to dream
Someone hide me from the seen
Someone set forth change in me
Someone change the world I see.
Thanks for any advice!