poem for boyfriend- especially guys answer?

W

We Dont Need to Whisper

New member
Boyfriend- poem for him, critique?
It rhymes and the first letters of Each verse spell out "HAPPINESS" There is an extra line at the end b/c "Happiness" has an odd number of letters
Does it sound good? bad? what would make it better? any feedback please ...HONEST criticism...tell me why you like it if you do, and why you dont if you dont


Holding the golden rope tight, you hear the old tire swing creak

And brush the sunlit streak of hair away from my red cheek

Pushing me past the ground and the trees; I'm going to reach the skies

Pausing for a split moment now, we smile, locking deep widened eyes

In a breath of air and a tangle of wind, I'm now chasing colors of you

Nestling my knees up to pin to my chin; bracing for the whole follow through

Eventually the slowing starts; I find balance in your steady arms

Smiling brown eyes and those sweet softened laughs reveal their hidden charms

Slowly standing to sway at your side, I whisper close in your ear

.....Of all the happiest thoughts I cannot express that you should hear
 
Beautiful. I really like it and I think that it really captures an obviously memorable moment. Nice work!
 
Back
Top