poem entitled shades, Just wrote it.?

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Aintitthetruth

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All the shades of your eyes
The hues of your soul
Overlapping with layers
All of the moments sown

Pages of history written in your eyes like a crystal ball
Thoughts forever contemplating over them all
Glazing your eyes like a dream
Reality wondering where you have been

Your decisions written in the reflections
Pasted together with glue
Wondering what to do
But you don't see me like I wish you to
 
I'm guessing you want me to critique this poem. I won't be easy on you, but don't take it personal.

All the shades of your eyes
The hues of your soul
Overlapping with layers
All of the moments sown

(This part of the poem has so much more to show, but you're only telling. What color are your eyes? Are they filled with gold, or specks of light glistening from the sun? Use images. Make me see the shades of your eyes, the hues of your soul. And only when you do can I understand what your meaning is. All the moments sown, can you describe them to me? Were they hurtful moments? Make you laugh or cry? Show me, because I want to know, I want to see.







Pages of history written in your eyes like a crystal ball
Thoughts forever contemplating over them all
Glazing your eyes like a dream
Reality wondering where you have been


You're applying this to the first stanza. So in order for this stanza to be made clear you must first refer to the first one. What history is there to tell in your eyes? What thoughts are you contemplating over? What makes you wonder where that person has been? What makes that person so special?





Your decisions written in the reflections
Pasted together with glue
Wondering what to do
But you don't see me like I wish you to



How do you wish to be seen? Regardless of what you think, Its all up to you to show us.

Let the audience get to know the writer. If you do not we can never connected enough to care about your problems, for we already have ones of our own. Make this poem stand out, by casting a light on your experiences.
 
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