Any comments and help with grammar would be greatly appreciated.
The day my heart knew sorrow
Tiny hands and little toes
Hide in the pains of tomorrow
The weight of all that is hallow
Swaddled in warm cotton clothes
The day my heart knew sorrow
Unprepared and feeling sallow
What will your strange future show?
Hide in the pains of tomorrow
Love’s Light I beseech to borrow
Unthinkable darken woes
The day my heart knew sorrow
Too grateful I should wallow
Bright eyes and a tiny nose
Hide in the pains of tomorrow
Hannah, my delicate rose,
How could I ever let you go?
The day my heart knew sorrow
Hide in the pains of tomorrow
Verb1.sallow - cause to become sallow; "The illness has sallowed her face"
discolor - cause to lose or change color; "The detergent discolored my shirts"
Would changing from the word ' feeling' to 'almost' make sallow a noun?
Unprepared and almost sallow
What will your strange future show?
Hide in the pains of tomorrow
I changed the last stanza to this..
The bittersweet tears must flow
How could I ever let you go?
The day my heart knew sorrow
Hide in the pains of tomorrow
Also I changed the second to last stanza to this:
Too grateful I should wallow
Warm eyes and a rosy nose
Hide in the pains of tomorrow
BlueFeather,
Yes, this is my first Villanelle. :0) I honestly had no idea poetry did not have to be punctuated. My request for help is more for punctuation...I would like help in where to place... what ,where and why.
I want to use words properly and if the word 'sallow' was used wrong I would feel obliged to change it...so thank you for sharing your knowledge in this matter.
Autumnfire...Hannah is my daughter...thanks for answering. :0)
BlueFeather....Thank you for the encoragment to learn more about this type of poetry. I enjoyed putting it together....though I think I gave a different message than I intended to. Still I like what turned out.
ooops...typo....but for clarity...here is the correct spelling of 'encouragement'
The day my heart knew sorrow
Tiny hands and little toes
Hide in the pains of tomorrow
The weight of all that is hallow
Swaddled in warm cotton clothes
The day my heart knew sorrow
Unprepared and feeling sallow
What will your strange future show?
Hide in the pains of tomorrow
Love’s Light I beseech to borrow
Unthinkable darken woes
The day my heart knew sorrow
Too grateful I should wallow
Bright eyes and a tiny nose
Hide in the pains of tomorrow
Hannah, my delicate rose,
How could I ever let you go?
The day my heart knew sorrow
Hide in the pains of tomorrow
Verb1.sallow - cause to become sallow; "The illness has sallowed her face"
discolor - cause to lose or change color; "The detergent discolored my shirts"
Would changing from the word ' feeling' to 'almost' make sallow a noun?
Unprepared and almost sallow
What will your strange future show?
Hide in the pains of tomorrow
I changed the last stanza to this..
The bittersweet tears must flow
How could I ever let you go?
The day my heart knew sorrow
Hide in the pains of tomorrow
Also I changed the second to last stanza to this:
Too grateful I should wallow
Warm eyes and a rosy nose
Hide in the pains of tomorrow
BlueFeather,
Yes, this is my first Villanelle. :0) I honestly had no idea poetry did not have to be punctuated. My request for help is more for punctuation...I would like help in where to place... what ,where and why.
I want to use words properly and if the word 'sallow' was used wrong I would feel obliged to change it...so thank you for sharing your knowledge in this matter.
Autumnfire...Hannah is my daughter...thanks for answering. :0)
BlueFeather....Thank you for the encoragment to learn more about this type of poetry. I enjoyed putting it together....though I think I gave a different message than I intended to. Still I like what turned out.
ooops...typo....but for clarity...here is the correct spelling of 'encouragement'