PLEAZE HELP!! Future Author?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Nessie Cullen
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Nessie Cullen

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Kay, I'm a little young to be a famous writer like my role model Stephenie Meyer but I still love to write. I want to write fiction romance books (No Vampires even though I love them). So you can same whatever you want and I'll take the criticism like a complement.

I walked down the school sidewalk as the rain left behind puddles of muddy water. My designer boots splashed into one of the bugger puddles and spotted my long chocolate brown hair.This was the normal forecast for a Washingtonian. Thunder storms, floods, and the occasional wet socks in your shoes. But I always thought that living in Washington had it's benefits.
I lived in the small town of Neah Bay. Where I lived right by the high school and always walked except for every once in a while when my best friend, Preston, gave me a ride in his overgrown Jeep. Preston and I have been friends since kindergarten. When I was in forth grade, I was the football-playing- pencil-fighting-spitball- champion kind of girl. I was one of the boys. I was never really the girl for fake makeup and Cinderella full-out dress up. So when I would be excluded, Preston was by my side.
I was about a block from my house when I heard the honking of a car from behind me. I turned around to see Preston and his Jeep on the curb, waiting for me. I ran to the passenger side and opened up the door. I climbed into the seat and through my backpack into the back seats. Preston was giving me the perfect smile I loved so much.
"Hey, I thought you had Lacrosse practice after school" I said. He looked out the window and gestured towards the rain that was now hitting the window like paint balls.
"In this weather? Nah" he said and turned back to me. "Can I talk to you about something?" he asked me. As I was about to speak, my Blackberry beeped, confirming that I had an incoming call. I took it out and looked at the caller I.D., Rachelle.
Rachelle Caraway was my best girl friend since last year. She was the only girl that excepted me and was connected with everything. She lived a couple doors down from my house and came to my house every other day. I hit the "accept" button on my phone and put the speaker to my sapphire studded ear.
"Hey Rachelle" I said.
"ROSE! I have to tell you something. Preston is going to-" I cut her off.
"Listen I'm hanging out with Preston right now so I'll have to call you back" I told her.
"He's going to tell you he loves you!" she screamed into the phone. The phone dropped from my hand and landed on the floor of the Jeep. I was in shock. I looked over to Preston who was starring at me while pulling over to the side of the road. I grabbed my bag and jumped out of the car, running as fast as I could to my home.
 
What? Stephenie Meyer is your role model?
Does this mean you want to be Mormon, and become morbidly obese and then fap over your wet dreams then write a novel about it?
Please, darling. You can do so much better!

As for your writing ... You indicated that you were too young to be a famous author, which is pretty evident by your spelling, punctuation, grammar and most other things. And you're appearing too controversial by saying "fake make up"
I mean, girls may need to wear make up to conceal pimples. Make up may boost self confidence; not everyone is naturally pretty you know.
Now you've rushed into things too quickly. You might want to ramble a bit before jumping straight into the climax. Like ... it's like saying "the cat sat on the mat and OMG THE MAT EXPLODED"
Just stretch it out a bit yeah? It would be so much better. You've got a potential, I can be honest with you there, but for now, read some GOOD books (rid of Twilight) build your vocab and practice your writing.
Try novels like Pride and Prejudice, The Hunger Games, Harry Potter, Eragon, Lord of the Rings ... all of those are really good, original, and that contributes to your writing.

I may be a little critical, but I'm only here to help
 
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