Please write a poem about a fat man sitting on a weak plastic chair while fishing

S

shirleyf

New member
The man, a Minnesotan by birth,
sat in the chair spreading his girth
dropping his line with Walleye in mind
he sucked his beer, a Ballentine

Eight beers later he got a jerk
from out his mouth his beer did squirt
shocked into action he tried to ascend
his a** stuck firm the chair didn't give

now rolling around all over the ground
the walleye jerked lose and swam around
laughing at the rotound man
with white plastic chair firmly jammed
 
for Walleye...? ...on a Lake in Minnesota and then breaking that chair and crashing to the ground, thereby wedging the plastic chair leg in his azzss and screaming "I got a bite!!".

Please, don't steal my idea but write me a poem about it!!!
 
His finger on the pole, Sam sighed in despair,
cursing the icy Minnesotoan air.
Hungrily dreaming of walleye and pike
his fat A$$ sank lower into the chair.
When a tug on the line made Sam leap straight upright
the chair broke in his A$$ and Sam screamed "I got a bite".
 
im on a lake in minnesota with waves of peace and quite
hunt for my tea with my rod by my side
on a rubber dingy

but my chair brakes in two
what can i do
the leg has stuck into my tight hole

the tugging of the wire
means all is not lost
i still have my tea
 
Epilogue

While interning at the MAYO clinic
You struggle not to become a cynic
I’d just settled in for my ER round
Where all the oddest cases are found

Like the girl with a lollipop up her nose
Or that woman stuck in a yoga pose
Breaks and sprains and drug reactions
Heart attacks and odd impactions

All of these are normal fair
But the triage nurse had a merry air
As all in the waiting room turned to stare
At an obese man –and the remains of a chair

“OK,” I said to the EMTs
“Put him in room number seven, please”
“This isn’t a circus –it’s my ward.”
“And nurse, please get his insurance card”

I closed the curtain and began to inspect him
The man with a chair leg in his rectum
Snow and mud dripped on my table
I said, “Just relax, if you are able”

He groaned, “Hi, Dr. Black”
I said, “I really don’t get this, Mac”
“This is your third time in just two weeks
With some junk lodged between your cheeks!”

“I know I’m weak -there’s no use fighting
I can’t help it when the walleye are biting
Landing a big one in the snow and sleet
I can’t stand all morning on my sore feet.”

“I got a bite, doc, this wasn’t play
You shoulda seen the one that got away!”
“Right,” I said, “just lie on your belly,”
“I need some gloves and some KY jelly.”
 
Fred was sittin on a green vinyl chair
His line was in the water
His thoughts not anywhere
He was waitin for a bite
On that Minnesota morn
when he leaned a bit too far
And what followed seemed like porn

It's called plastic fatigue
And it's built into those chairs
Along the weakest points
At the legs is where they wears

This story I tell as warning
Should you be sitting on one now
What happened to Fred that morning
Least he told the surgeons how

The chair leg snapped and then
As in one similar accident
It was jammed into his colon
Or so Fred's story went

But the scream that he hollared
Was heard the lake around
And curiosity is what helped
Poor Fred to soon be found

Oddest thing about it
Was what ol Fred had screamed
"I got a bite! Please reel 'em in!
Well, odd was what it seemed

Except to a true fisherman
Or one of Fred's true class
Get a bite, nothing matters
Not even a chair leg up yer @ss


It's rough but I'v had no coffee this am.
 
I sat upon a plastic chair
fishing for Walleye without a care
a tug on the line I thought was a fish
how was I to know I'd not get my wish
I felt a give and then a crash
OMG there's a chair leg up my azz
not one to be beaten by a small fright
I reeled in my fish screaming "I got a bite".

Hey Buk, Mrs. Buk and Ma! Smooooooooooooch!
 
It was a doozy
A fat man was snoozy
holding his rod in his hand
The strange thing about it
was the string tied on it
not the scene we normally see
Hemingway his is not
a plastic seat he did pop
casting his dignity to the ground
To blame a bite on this plight
doesn't seem right
no matter your point of view
The shimmering water
laughing along
at the comic view
A man picking plastic from
his azzz
 
While sitting there upon his chair
the fat man drifted..as his lure..
caught upon a rock beneath
the surface dangling there

a snort erupted from his face
he jumped a bit and crash
the chair collapsed beneath his @ss
a leg wedged in his cheeks, displaced

as in a pile he contemplates
he yells and screams I got a bite
and with his line begins to fight,
he never hesitates...

Lake Minnesota gurgles laughs
a sight this must have been
....alas do you remember when?
while reading fat mans epitaphs
 
fat man sits
plastic chair splits
woken in a fright
screams "I gotta bite!"
a painful gasp
"I gotta chair up my @$$!"
walleye laughs at fisherman's plight
a flip of tail he's out of sight...
Minnesota
 
While sitting there upon his chair
the fat man drifted..as his lure..
caught upon a rock beneath
the surface dangling there

a snort erupted from his face
he jumped a bit and crash
the chair collapsed beneath his @ss
a leg wedged in his cheeks, displaced

as in a pile he contemplates
he yells and screams I got a bite
and with his line begins to fight,
he never hesitates...

Lake Minnesota gurgles laughs
a sight this must have been
....alas do you remember when?
while reading fat mans epitaphs
 
and there he sat
a man so fat
wetting a line without care

on a cool 'Sota morning
with no warning
the bottom fell out of his chair

down he went
hot coffee sent
dropping him to the grass

his pole did not break
but he felt the ache
as he landed on his azz

what was not not seen
as he hit the green
was an ungodly sight

the plastic piece
that found his crease
as he yelled "I got a bite"

he reeled in line
and rolled in pain
as the walleye got away

the man smiled after
ma cried in laughter
on this fine Minnesota day
 
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