Please Read And Tell Me What You Think...?

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Andrew B

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When Dreams Really Do Come True

Before I even met you I knew you were too good to be true... only an angel could be as beautiful as you. But you told me that you didn't think you were all that great just another girl... another face. But what I can't see is why you can't see you’re the pinnacle of all beautiful things... your beauty is so unsurpassed its hard to believe that you don’t have wings.

And then you said to me... that I was too good to be true... I just don’t understand why an angel like you would want to get to know me too...your more beautiful than anyone I’ve ever seen... and every night as I fall asleep I wonder where you hide your wings.

But for as long as I can remember I've prayed to God to let an angel walk into my life. I just wasn't expecting the angel to be as beautiful as you. But I guess you should know that I've fallen for you. And I thank God for all the times... when dreams really do come true.

By: Andrew Brown

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Hmm.. I don't want to be too harsh or anything but this is DEFINITELY not my kind of thing. Maybe it will appeal to some people but I just find it unbearably sentimental with little originality or substance. The style is clumpy and kind of trips over itself - "But what I can't see is why you can't see you’re the pinnacle of all beautiful things... " whilst sometimes sentences are just so overdone and common that they seem out of place in a poem - "your more beautiful than anyone I’ve ever seen... "
On a side note, you definitely need to proof-read this (your/you're, etc).
Okay I'm not going to be completely critical. I will say that it is pulled off rather well as a sentimental kind of poem: I can certainly see it on some kind of Christian Valentine's Card and it has its touching moments: 'I wonder where you hide your wings'.
All in all I just think you need to work on your style a bit more and maybe read some good love/spiritual poetry for ideas on how to be a bit more adventurous (try George Herbert, John Donne and John Milton...all of these are 17th century poets which may not be your thing, or you may never have read them before and find something quite exciting and interesting...they certainly write in this genre of love and spirituality in many of their poems and I think you could just find an interesting experience of different types of poetry through reading them).

I hope this helps in some way. Obviously my opinion is not definitive and as I said I'm sure this will appeal to many people but I hope at least you consider my points and take them on board or discard them as you wish!
 
Wow... that's... really really good. Very poetic!

You want some honest opinion? Well here's my tribute.

This part- 'and every night as I fall asleep I wonder where you hide your wings.' i think should be changed to something like...

'...and every night as I fall asleep I wonder where you hide those wings.' - simply because you already mentioned your curiosity to her wings. It sounds better.

to make, 'I've prayed to God to let an angel walk into my life' a little more... i dont know another way to put it then, "Put more oomf into it" you could do like...

'I've prayed to God to let an angel float into my life'... a different verb to give your angle grace and delicacy.
 
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