Please Judge my poetry!?

[p0p0]

Here is one poem. It is a boasting poem...I AM supposed to sound conceded:

I am the best.
Better than the rest.
The best of the best!
NO!
Better.
I am blessed.
More blessed than you or you!
How can you not be impressed?
Huh?
I am beyond compare.
Rarer than the rare.
Please,
Don't stare.

And here is the next one. IT is a social change poem. It is about how we don't listen to our elders:

Shoes untied.
Running to the slide.
Be careful, she calls.
But he's not there.
Already.
Running ot the swing,
Shoes still loose.
Struggling to get up high.
Be careful, she calls.
But he doesn't hear.
Now,
With tears on his face,
Walking to her.
Be careful, she calls.
But he doesn't care.


Just any feedback please.
I am just in middle school, my first time actually writing something.
Ok...just 'good' won't get me anywhere people! I need some actual feedback on what I can fix and what parts you really liked!
That 'ot' up there i sopposed to be a 'to'. Thank you!

 

[Liza]

Not bad for a first timer. For the boasting poem very funny. The use of mockery of the reader is a very effective way to make you sound conceded. And in the social change poem uses repetition very wisely. It adds effect.BTW you have a typo. I'm pretty sure "ot" is not a word.