FrumpyLite
New member
My mom really stresses me out and I can't help but think about it everyday. When I'm around her, it's like walking on eggshells because she gets her feelings hurt over just about everything. She is very emotionally dependent on me and leaned on me for many years from the time I was 10 years-old to when I moved out at 18. She would share all of her adult problems with me and I was always a shoulder to cry on. Now, I'm 25 married with two kids ages 5 and 2. Well, if we go a week without visiting she calls me and acts like it's been an eternity and we have to visit her or she will cry and go into a depression. I have to visit at least every other week or I hear about it. She has put pressure on me to move closer to her so we can live around the block from each other; however, we only live about an hour apart now and it's not that big of a deal. If I call her just to talk she pressures me if not forces me to make plans to get together. She talks about how she is going to move in with me as soon as my kids are grown etc. The thing is, I don't want her to move in with me. I don't want to live so close and I don't want to be pressured to visit constantly. There is another component to this though. She expects me to visit and make her feel good about herself, but...she wont babysit my kids for me. She said she can't handle both of them at the same time. I have been in school since I had a second baby also managing a part-time job and my household which has been worth it, but a struggle too. The thing I've needed help with the most is having someone watch my kids and give me a break. They also wouldn't understand why one of them got to go and the other didn't. So, basically I'm expected to schedule visits at least every other week if not once a week, make sure she doesn't spend holidays alone by inviting her to spend it with my family whether I want it or not, take care of her when my kids are grown, and make her feel loved and supported. BUT I have never been supported..she refuses to help me with my kids and she knows the struggles I've gone through getting married and having babies so young. I've still managed to take care of myself and my family, but now I feel like I have to take care of her or its guilt trip city. I've told my husband I want to move out of town at least 3 or 4 hours just so there is not so much pressure. He agrees, but right now we can't so...I don't know how to handle it. If I talk to her about it, then she will cry and throw a fit etc. It doesn't help to talk about it. My brother said I should just make myself less available, but with both of my brothers doing that it makes it worse.
Now that the holidays are upon us, it's more pressure! I hate this! I shouldn't have to take care of my mom just because she's chosen not to marry. I have my own shit to take care of! What should i do? Please help.
Now that the holidays are upon us, it's more pressure! I hate this! I shouldn't have to take care of my mom just because she's chosen not to marry. I have my own shit to take care of! What should i do? Please help.