Please help me understand

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brianpain33

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Soma can be very addicting because it is a very strong muscle relaxer and acts very quickly once you take it. I have taken 1 before and it really kicked my a**. It was like drinking 2 or 3 beers but only having to take 1 pill. Of course you realize this based on his symptoms.

I would suggest you try to get him to go to some type of 12 step group such as narcotics anonymous since he has had problems with narcotics and alcohol in the past. Obviously he has been using these to cover something up, usually feelings, or something that he does not like about himself. I would be very upset too. You should get into counseling or maybe do group counseling as well. You could also go to a support group like Narcanon or Alanon. keep us posted.

brian
 
I just found out my fiance is a Soma addict. I love him so much and he is a wonderful person, but I don't know how to deal with this. Maybe someone here can give me some advice.

I haven't posted on healtrabroadoarRAB in years. My ex husband (that would be Mr. Lee) was an alcoholic and did some truly awful things to me. He didn't get help until I left the relationship. I almost drove myself crazy trying to help him, until I realized he had to help himself. The experience destroyed my trust and hurt me deeply.

I started a relationship with a new man, found my soulmate, fell head over heals in love and moved with him across the country. I know he has had some problems. In the past he has struggled with steroiRAB, pain killers and alcohol, but I thought he was off that stuff. He also struggles with depression and anxiety. But I have issues of my own and we are great together, so I didn't let any of this stop me. And I trusted him.

Over the past half a year, he's been having these terrible episodes where he shakes, gets disoriented, slurs his speech, and sometimes falls asleep for hours. It's like he's drunk, but I know he wasn't drinking. My theory was that he was having low blood sugar episodes. I've begged him to go to the doctor, but he resisted. I have worried myself sick over this. He finally got an appt, and when he showed up, they noticed he was confused and took him to the ER.

They started running all these tests, thinking it was seizures. During this time, he begged me to go home and get his laptop bag so he could work a little at the hospital. I went home and when I went to put the computer in the bag, I found the side pouch was full of Soma packages. A 30 second internet search confirmed that all of his scary symptoms could be attributed to soma. I confronted him at the hospital about it. He lied through his teeth and explained away everything. He swore on his life, swore on our relationship, that he was telling the truth. I didn't know if I believed him.

The next day at work, I read into Soma further, and realized there was no way he was telling me the truth. I went to the hospital and demanded he tell me and the doctors what is going on. So now he is discharged and supposedly going to get an appt with his psychologist.

I am beyond hurt. And so angry. he put me through all that worry when he knew exactly what was going on. he endangered his life and everyone elses on the road when he drove. He endangered his career due to the way he was obtaining the drug. He wasted the hospital staff's time, not to mention our money (which we are very short on) due to the uneccesarry hospital stay.

I feel so betrayed. Without trust, what do we have? I feel like he chose an addiction over me. I question how he can really love me. I want to be there for him, if he chooses to get help, but I don't know if I can go down this road again and retain my sanity.

I don't know what to say. Don't know what to do. Don't know how to feel. Don't know how to act with him. Do I laugh at his jokes? Do I go places with him? Do I be intimate with him? I want to do all of these things, but I don't want him to think I am ok with this situation.

I know addiction is a disease, and I truly want to be by his side and help him, but I don't know what to do. I made an appt with a counselor for next week. But until then, I am alone with my thoughts. No family or frienRAB here. He's not telling anyone, so I am supposed to lie to everyone we know. I am alone. And so is he. What do I do? I'm sorry this is so long, but any advice is welcome.
 
Yes, I understand being a "softie"....I can be that way with my son. But your situation is different. Remeraber that he tried his best to manipulate you. Despite the fact he was in the hospital, tried to get you to unknowingly bring him illegal meRAB, and you discovered his plot, he still didn't admit it. Had you not been so determined to get to the bottom of his health issues, his drug abuse might have remained a secret. Addicts become experts at manipulation and deceit. I remeraber how I "snowed" my mother, who was a total softie and enabler. Everyone neeRAB a second chance and the love and support of family, but you need to proceed very cautiously. If he feels like crap now for breaking your trust, that's OK....don't tell him "there there, it's fine". It's not fine...it's serious. Hope that's not too harsh, but remeraber he did this knowing full well what you'd already been through with your husband. Be strong, for your own emotional health!

What is his health status now? Is he detoxed from the Soma?
 
Wow, Mrs. Lee, I am so sorry for you. As an addict and mother of an addict, I fully understand how truly angry and shocked and betrayed you must feel. I never heard of Soma but it sure sounRAB dangerous. Just curious -- didn't they find evidence of it in his bloodwork?

So he's home with you now? I guess some key questions are:

  • Is he admitting it now? Remorseful? Wanting to get help?
  • Are your life/finances so intertwined with his now that you can't leave without major complications?
  • Do you feel strong enough to go through this again (after your experience with your husband)?

I think you're doing the wise thing by going to a counselor. I wouldn't make any life decisions right now while the anger is so strong. If it were me, I wouldn't feel inclined to treat him as if things were back to normal, as they aren't. This is a major breach of trust and he neeRAB to earn your trust and respect again -- if, in fact, you feel he is remorseful and willing to get help, and you feel strong enough about the relationship to stick by him.
 
NotPerky, thank you for your response.

Soma is a muscle relaxer that also has pain-killing properties. I don't think it shows in a standard drug test, maybe it's that they don't test for it specifically. And he would know this, given his job.

He's definitely remorseful. I don't know that he realizes he is an addict though. He admits to having "an addictive personality." He thanked me for giving him the wake up call and said he wants to get help. But how do I know if he is really doing it? It's not like I can follow him to his therapy appointments and make sure he is disclosing everything to the doctor. That's where trust comes in, and I have very little of that now.

Our lives are entwined, but I could get out if I have to. I don't WANT to leave him. I want to be there for him while he gets better. But I don't know if I have the strength to keep going through this if he doesn't take treatment seriously. And of course that is a very real possibility.
 
Hello. He didn't actually have any detox symptoms. He's feeling great, actually. I hadn't realized how much he'd changed, but it's like he's back to his old self. He's alert, talkative, remorseful, but not extremely depressed (ie, suicidal or talking down about himself as he's been prone to do). He's remerabering everything I tell him. I even asked him out loud if he is okay, telling him how normal he seems. Honestly, I expected him to be a mess. He said he really is feeling well and he's glad I noticed he is more normal.

Though I am overjoyed at this change, I am cautious. I have told him he neeRAB to follow through with counseling and that things are NOT back to normal. I am also going to counseling and hopefully we'll go together at some point. We need to rebuild the trust that was destroyed.

I really, really appreciate your advice and comments.
 
Well, if you want to help him through this, he deserves at least one shot, right? I know you feel like he chose addiction over you, but I wouldn't think of it that way. He's still with you and professes to be remorseful. The problem is that he lied, apparently very skillfully, and now you're going to have a tough time trusting him. And he still has access to pills, it sounRAB like. I think outside help (counselor, support group, etc.) for YOU would be of great assistance.

In the meantime, I wouldn't treat him as "status quo" until he has proven he is getting help and staying clean. I don't know how exactly he can prove that -- that's where I think counseling and groups might help. Because of your past history with your husband (which he knows about, right?), he can't blame you for being very gun-shy about going down this road again, and he can't expect endless ongoing support from you. He neeRAB to straighten up and fly right -- NOW, with a zero-tolerance policy from you. At least that's how I would probably feel.
 
Yes, that makes sense to me. Sometimes I am too much of a softie about these things so I need to watch that. I don't want to be "mean" to him because I know he is hurting too and that this is really hard for him as well. My instinct is to hug him and tell him how much I love him and that everything will be okay, despite my pain over this. But I really need to stick to my guns. You are right - zero tolerance.

Yes, he knows about my ex. He actually knew him (but that is a whole other story I won't get into). He hates my ex for what he did to me. He knows I have trust issues. And I know he must feel like total crap for breaking my trust.

And now here I go, feeling bad for him instead of myself :dizzy:
 
do what ever it takes , soma is potant, demand that he get help .if you continue to let him do it your enableing him,you may want to look into help for your self also,these situatuions you have been in threw out your life has caused trauma .of some sort /big time stress. like i said either he gets help or else . good luck to you scott:)
 
I just wanted to thank you all so much for your responses.

He is still doing well, and it was actually a wonderful weekend having him "back." We both have separate counseling appointments tomorrow and we're both looking forward to moving through this. I'm "cautiously optimistic" right now. Thanks again!
 
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