please help me on my poetry, advice please?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Kate
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Kate

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I wrote this a little bit ago
ive never really written before
i just decided i need a heathy way to understand how i felt,
please be honest

you

it was you

you who did this to me

the same you

who told me i was beautiful

the same you

who said you loved me

and yet

the same you

who i cry over

every night

the same you

who wish would look at me like that just

one

more

time

but you

you are with her

her

who was actually beautiful

and didnt need to be told so

and her

her who would break your heat

and not care

just like you did

to mine



I also have two other poems i wrote that are on here too, please comment there too
thanks ..
again ;)
 
Actually, this poem is beautiful. It shines with emotion, and the sorrow portrayed is wonderfully bittersweet. Poetry is very good, healthy way to express feeling (and the results can be quite worthy of keeping).

As for the technicalities, for future reference, what this is called is free verse poetry; that is, there isn't a rhyme scheme. It's a very recent, modern style, though some do not like it. I like it if it has a message. Sometimes free verse poetry is pretty pointless, and that's just aggravating.

Getting to the point: for a first poem, very good. Advice for the future: try to add a couple random rhyming lines into it, though don't make it rigidly rhyming. Maybe a rhyme every three or four lines, just to give it a little iambic spice.
 
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