Okay, give me some feed back + suggestions on this new song that I've been writing for a few days.
Background (so you can get what I'm saying):
New Years eve, went out with 3 girls from another school and it went off great. So, they invited me to meet their boyfriend's and their boyfriend's friends. One girl's boyfriend's friend, whose name is John, caught my eye immediately. I don't know if hes gay, but theres a small chance, so I kinda fell for him. I saw him about 5-10 times during these past 6 months (different high schools) and I just kept falling for him because he was so funny and perfect.
Well I just went to a party 3 days ago where he was there. I was kinda too forward with him (sitting on his lap and hugging him) and he was alright with it at first, and sat on my lap for a good ten minutes too. Then, he started getting ticked off and annoyed (I wasn't being over bearing, just light flirting). So my guess is he assumed that I was flirting with him, and therefor got angry. This song is to how he made me feel for the past 6 months, and how it is now.
(Note: his parents keep asking if he is gay, pushing him for an answer, and mine do that too... so thats what the 4th paragraph is about)
"Staying awake at night, dreaming light
Without love, without that one
The New Year came, a new hope shined
Clinging on, to newfound friends
I found you
[Chorus:]
Oh yeah I found you
So unorthodox, so unexpected
How was I, to comprehend
That I found you?
A one-way heart, like a one-way street
You had no idea, what you did start
Dreaming now, of you alone
I have a purpose, I have a plan.
Look at the mirrow, what have they done?
False accusations, all overdone
Said to you, and said to me
I know its mean, but I hope they're right.
[Chorus]
Where have you been, and what have you seen?
So many things, tell them to me
Don't you cry now they are just your lost dreams
Don't you hurt now, they are just my discarded means
I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that.
Night is over, the sun is risen
Jesus would say, that I am sleeping
But not with God, rather with you
We can fly to the moon, and show them all
That they were wrong, and we were right.
They tricked me into thinking that I was plain sinful
But where does it say, that love is wrong
And is it so bad, if I love you strong?
[Chorus]
Loves thrown around, like another hello
But baby believe me, I say it so
Like an angel on a train ride to Hell
I will always shout I love you
Why hide when we have something they don't.
How we met, its no mystery
A friend of a friend, at the start of 09
Like a bat out of hell, you allured my gaze
Spellbound by you, and no other
[Chorus]
Now you moved on, I have woken up
You played tricks on my heart
You didn't know, that I loved you
Your too playful, and I'm way too hopeful
And here we are, back at the start
I'm here writing an overused song
You there stealing my heart as ever
Unknown confessions, whispered in my mind
Unwanted truths, just left behind
I tricked myself, into loving you
Just another silly mistake.
You did not know, of this tragic cliche
It went on without your consent
The day is over, the night is back
Darkness returning, light is fading
It happened at a party, I was too tricked
You took it badly, I wish you had not
Now I'm lonely, no one here
Not even you, like I dreamed
You got this way all about you
You make me forget of past pains and shame
I had found you, but I let you go
I loved you, but I was too forward
I was too foolish to realize
I was too blind
To see that you were killing me
Oh yeah, I found you, but I was too eager
So shocked that I did find such a gem
I can't believe that I did all those things
Just please remember, I didn't reall mean it
I hope you can forget, and give me a chance."
I want constructive criticism, and if you think it sucks, just say so. Dont' try to be nice, I want the cold, blunt truth.
Background (so you can get what I'm saying):
New Years eve, went out with 3 girls from another school and it went off great. So, they invited me to meet their boyfriend's and their boyfriend's friends. One girl's boyfriend's friend, whose name is John, caught my eye immediately. I don't know if hes gay, but theres a small chance, so I kinda fell for him. I saw him about 5-10 times during these past 6 months (different high schools) and I just kept falling for him because he was so funny and perfect.
Well I just went to a party 3 days ago where he was there. I was kinda too forward with him (sitting on his lap and hugging him) and he was alright with it at first, and sat on my lap for a good ten minutes too. Then, he started getting ticked off and annoyed (I wasn't being over bearing, just light flirting). So my guess is he assumed that I was flirting with him, and therefor got angry. This song is to how he made me feel for the past 6 months, and how it is now.
(Note: his parents keep asking if he is gay, pushing him for an answer, and mine do that too... so thats what the 4th paragraph is about)
"Staying awake at night, dreaming light
Without love, without that one
The New Year came, a new hope shined
Clinging on, to newfound friends
I found you
[Chorus:]
Oh yeah I found you
So unorthodox, so unexpected
How was I, to comprehend
That I found you?
A one-way heart, like a one-way street
You had no idea, what you did start
Dreaming now, of you alone
I have a purpose, I have a plan.
Look at the mirrow, what have they done?
False accusations, all overdone
Said to you, and said to me
I know its mean, but I hope they're right.
[Chorus]
Where have you been, and what have you seen?
So many things, tell them to me
Don't you cry now they are just your lost dreams
Don't you hurt now, they are just my discarded means
I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that.
Night is over, the sun is risen
Jesus would say, that I am sleeping
But not with God, rather with you
We can fly to the moon, and show them all
That they were wrong, and we were right.
They tricked me into thinking that I was plain sinful
But where does it say, that love is wrong
And is it so bad, if I love you strong?
[Chorus]
Loves thrown around, like another hello
But baby believe me, I say it so
Like an angel on a train ride to Hell
I will always shout I love you
Why hide when we have something they don't.
How we met, its no mystery
A friend of a friend, at the start of 09
Like a bat out of hell, you allured my gaze
Spellbound by you, and no other
[Chorus]
Now you moved on, I have woken up
You played tricks on my heart
You didn't know, that I loved you
Your too playful, and I'm way too hopeful
And here we are, back at the start
I'm here writing an overused song
You there stealing my heart as ever
Unknown confessions, whispered in my mind
Unwanted truths, just left behind
I tricked myself, into loving you
Just another silly mistake.
You did not know, of this tragic cliche
It went on without your consent
The day is over, the night is back
Darkness returning, light is fading
It happened at a party, I was too tricked
You took it badly, I wish you had not
Now I'm lonely, no one here
Not even you, like I dreamed
You got this way all about you
You make me forget of past pains and shame
I had found you, but I let you go
I loved you, but I was too forward
I was too foolish to realize
I was too blind
To see that you were killing me
Oh yeah, I found you, but I was too eager
So shocked that I did find such a gem
I can't believe that I did all those things
Just please remember, I didn't reall mean it
I hope you can forget, and give me a chance."
I want constructive criticism, and if you think it sucks, just say so. Dont' try to be nice, I want the cold, blunt truth.