Hi lifeaftr40, hope is in your corner (along with us), understanding and the right action taken as learned from that understanding are your tools.
Parenting is difficult to say the least.
Some background.
I came from a large family. I have 4 brothers and two sisters. I myself have four adult children.
The oldest boy just arrived back from doing a one year tour in Iraq and a one year tour in Afganastan . Army airbourne, special forces.
My youngest girl surfs competively all over the world and is rated nuraber one in her division.
The two middle ones, boy and girl, along with the two just mentioned are in college.
The reason for sharing this info is to let you know, as parents, what worked for us and maybe you will get some ideas that may work for you, I hope.
So, I am just going to talk about what I know that worked for us.
The Army, the surf scene and the colleges are full of drugs. So are the high schools and play grounRAB. The parties, libraries, churches and gas stations are also full of drugs.
My wife and i as parents knew this raising our children, as you probably do too. We knew there was little we could do about this. We felt like the war on drugs was going to be waged at home and we started early on with our children. These are some of the things we did and some of the understandings we had that I think helped.
First, let me say that all of my kiRAB have experience drugs in one capacity or another.
None of them have a problem at this time with use or abuse of legal or street drugs.
I believe one of the first things that we did that helped in their personal dealings with drugs is that we kept them busy. No idle time is, I believe very important. Since we are parents, since we are smarter and more capable than them, my kiRAB never had a clue this was being done. You must be creative. Parents best friend.....creativity.
We also understood that as children reach their teenage years (about), their personal idenity is very important to them. This need to identify themselves is real and very, very powerful. Your young children do this by first wanting to be like mommy and daddy.
As they grow into adulthood they begin to look elsewhere to compliment the identity they have already put together. Their horizons begin to expand. Once again they need your guidence. But, you have to be understanding and sometimes somewhat stealth about your guidence at this time because they are wishing to show you and wishing to be more independent. Be patient and creative here also. Their identity is very important to them even though you may not give it the priority they do. You know like paying the mortgage or health insurance. This was a great time for us because we involved our children in things like paying bills ect, and sharing our world as adults with them. Believe me, they want to know and this is a time of great opportunity to share your adult world with them.
We had long talks, discussions at the dinner table about everything. I can not put enough emphasis on Dinner time. It was always an open forum where anything and everything was discuss no matter who was visiting. Young adults love to express their views openly and around their parents when they feel they have backup, like a friend or sibling involved.
We always tried to instill values that they could understand the reason for and the outcome of those values. The first and main one was that sharing and giving is the most important thing you can do with the only resource you have that you can't get back once it is gone. Your time on earth. It is never too late to work on this and the self satisfaction is inmeasureable. This makes them feel valueable and appreciated. And we all wish to be appreciated. Well, you have to do things that make people appreciate and value you. It has to be taught to our children. they are not born with it. In a broader sense this translates as love. Love given, love taken.
Anyway, I apologize for going on and on. My heart feels for you.
Your son is looking for his identity as silly as it may sound. He may act out this in many different ways. You are his guide, his parent. He may not act like he wants your help but, he is looking to you to help him find the boundries. When he was young he just excepted your way, he is looking for more. Be creative, understanding, give him your time.
Oh, yes, don't believe everything he tells you. He sees things differently than you.
Remeraber what Christ said, 'as a child I see as a child....'.
KiRAB are also full of BS. This is always something to consider when listening to them.
Also out of the mouth of babes. They can say some real truths too! You can take a beating.
What I beleive is the nuraber one rule when raising children and this always get much debate,.....BE THEIR PARENT. That is what they want and need. You can be their friend later after they have become the adult they need to be.
Good luck, a thousand blessings.
