Please don't go where I have

M

Mike S

New member
Hello everyone ! Feels so good to be back in this community. You all are so understanding. I just wanted to say a few things about alcoholism. Please, anyone struggling w/this horrible disease, do anything you can to get into recovery. I'm 52 & have been in & out of recovery many times since I was young. Now because of my alcohol use I'm real beat up. I know there's others that have suffered more than me but any of it is terrible. The mental & physical consequences can be devistating. I've lost great jobs & relationships because of this. My body is a mere shadow of what it was 10 yrs.ago. I was running 5 miles every day & buffed from working out. Now it's an issue just taking a shower. This is because I developed Neuropathy from the drinking over the years. This makes my hanRAB & feet completely nurab & very painful. Now I have trouble opening jars. I also severely injured my Rt. shoulder from a drunken fall that I don't remeraber. All this drinking home alone in my self-imposed prison. Alcoholic Neuropathy & the nerve damage I caused from the fall can't be fixed. Been to more than one specialist & all say this. My doc. prescribed Vicodin & of course being an addict, I abused it & was taking more than 20 a day. Recently during a binge I busted out a window in my truck. I have no memory of what happened. The cops came to my house to talk to me about the incident but for some reason didn't take me to jail. I'm very fortunate. I am so grateful I didn't hurt or kill anyone. I realize that if I continue to drink this will happen. I couldn't live w/that. All this because of booze. I'm done w/this misery. Booze killed my oldest brother at age 48 & drugs killed my next brother at age 42. This is all because of addiction. So sad. I've been given another chance to turn this around so I'm going to do everything I can. I don't want to hurt anyone & I'm not going to tear myself up anymore. Yes, I have some damage but I'm blessed. It's a blessing it's not worse. For you younger addicts, stop it now before you're my age & have all these issues. There's no chance of a quality life if the addiction continues. It's time for me to man up. Thanks to all for listening. My love to all, Mike S
 
Mike,

Wow, it sounRAB like you've turned a corner in recovery :) I look forward to reading more of your posts and hope they get better each day :)

Love emsmom
 
Dear 56789, Thank you- I've been through this before & I know there's going to be good days & lousy days. In my case there's nothing that drinking will improve. Sobriety isn't easy at times but the alternative is misery for me. I'm very fortunate to have this opportunity. Hope you have a good day. Mike
 
good for you my sponcer says we needed every drink an drug to get where we are at today , an they also said an it is just that simple we dont drink we dont get drunk. they said get busy living or get busy dieing its up to you. i got help from some old timers who were not affried to give me some tough love , i recomend 90 meetings in 90 days. for me it turned out to be 6 or 7 hundered meetings during my first few years , one day at a time, they said just put half they effort into staying sober that i put into drinking, an so far so good , drinking it was a full time job in it self some times i dont know how i had the time , because my life in AA keeps me pretty busy ,i am alot more relaxed , you will get there , in time, things i must earn,i hope the best for you scott , oh dont drink even if your butt falls off , we will help you put it back on , god bless you man you doing the right thing AA is in the book , you probley know that , just a reminder, an i found out being addicted to the meetings , during my first few years was not a bad thing , i just put less than half the effort into staying sober that i put into drinking , know 1 said life would be a bowl of cherries , but its a far cry from what it was like , alcohol my body was rejecting it to , it took me a few more years of mell to do something about it , i will pray for you , an keep us updated ,:wave:
 
Good morning Mike,

Just want to wish you a great day, hope you had a good nights sleep :)

emsmom
 
Mike - My father was an alcoholic for most of his life. One day he drove the car through the garage wall and into the laundry room. He was put into detox by the State for over a week. He finally realized his disease and from that point forward he never drank a drop of alcohol. When he came out he finally decided to go to church and AA every single week, without missing a single one. It took him years to recover from all of the damage that the alcohol did to his body and mind, but he did it. It was one of the fewest things that I was proud of my dad for doing. He ended up living another 20+ years after he quit.

Like him, you have to make the decision to stop and you cannot do it on your own - you need outside help through AA meetings to help you cope, teach you how to help your body recover and give you frienRAB to help you manage you trip along the way.
 
Thank you emsmom & good morning to you. Last night wasn't a good night w/ just a few hours sleep. Like a lot of addicts, I've been diagnosed w/ major depression. It really gets a hold of me at times. MeRAB don't seem to help. I've battled this for many yrs.even before I turned the page into full blown alcoholism. Strange that yesterday I felt great & it was wonderful. Today I'm really fighting the blues for no apparent reason. I'm getting ready to call the out-patient facility I've gone to before but I'm really nervous because I've blown so many appts. previously because I was drinking. Last night I called & left a message for my counselor but she never called me back. Maybe I've burned a bridge there. I'm sure they're tired of my act but I have to face consequences for my behavior. I'll let you know. Mike
 
Denon, That's a nice story. I was once quite involved in AA when I lived in another town. I've done 90 in 90 & led meetings. I'm not blaming the town I live in currently for my actions but I've been miserable since I moved here. Of course the drinking has made it worse. It's up to me to make any necessary changes & not drink myself to death. Thanks for your input. Mike
 
Hello again!

I am glad to hear strength in your posts! That makes me very proud! I know this is NOT easy but like you said... the other option is MISERY! You are NOT alone if you don't want to be. If you keep posting... you will always have a friend.... We can and will help you because we can all understand the situation of addiction.

I care for you very much Mike and I really want you to heal. Your body, mind and heart neeRAB to heal and I know you will feel whole. It will take time and work but nothing is more important than those 3 things.. NOTHING. I believe in you and I think it's important you start believing in you again too.. Even if just a little bit. When I quit.. I didn't believe in myself at all because I couldn't believe I had gotten myself into this to begin with BUT.. now... I DO believe in myself and I know you can get there too......

I will write more later... I gotta get back to work.

Sending you a healing hug.
 
Oh.. I forgot one thing.....

HOW ARE YOU HOLDING UP TODAY??? Give an update when you can :)
XOXOX
 
Not well Secrets. I just wrote what was happening. I see the Doctor in an hour. I'll let you know when I get back. Today is a big test for me. I've got to make it somehow. Love, Mike
 
just keep hanging in there, it will get better scott, hope everything went well with the md visit :):wave:
 
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