S
Summer Skies
Guest
Title: (F)light
My medical condition didn’t allow me to walk within a two-mile radius of my home, let alone to my own backyard. I was usually in the kitchen doing the dishes, or in my room, staring into the bare walls that seemed to pull me away from any chance I had at life. Either way, I was smothered by my mother’s fear of losing me. For years I had been watching life blossom and thrive under the sun while I wilted in my bed with aching bones. The Earth wasn’t going to stand motionless for me, but still I missed my healthy carefree days: running through oceans feeling water lapping my neck, stealing the ripest fruit from the neighbor’s yard.
Yesterday I finally felt freedom again. My mother had drifted to her afternoon sleep and I had slipped through the window to the backyard garden, and the yellow, green, blue flowers welcomed me into their still life painting. A frail sun rested above my head, but I didn’t mind. At least I was touching the wind.
I wanted a drop of honeysweet youth so I lay on the grass, surrounded by flower castles. My breaths came out in raspy wheezes and a numbness pierced through me, its icy lips cruel against my body, but I assumed it was just the wintertime.
And then I felt the sun crash down on me, too weak to hold itself up over the horizon. The sun’s arms strangled me and my eyes fluttered, fluttered…
I was gone from the garden.
I dreamed of a field of white poppies, like a luminous sea that draped itself around a dark shore. I wasn’t sure if I was dead, but I didn’t care. I was seeing the world beyond my stark walls, and I closed my eyes tighter together.
I saw a young girl running through the flowers, callow eyes and a crescent mouth. She moved with fluid motions, like water, fingers lacing around each poppy as if she were making sure they wouldn’t disappear with her touch. Her dress was woven with courage, with audacity, and she danced fearlessly to her own illumination.
I wanted her to tell me that my life was just a painful dream, that someday I would awaken and feel carefree again. I wanted her to promise me that we would someday be mirror images. But I knew she wasn’t going to reply, because other than the blissful white heads that bowed at her feet, she was surrounded by no trace of humanity.
Through her blithe eyes, I didn’t exist, and neither did the perception of pain or darkness. Just ignorant happiness.
And the night went black, but the poppies and young girl illuminated every inch of shadow. The Earth slowed slowed, slowed and her eyes closed. The sky ripped apart and just as I was gone from the garden, I was gone from the poppies.
The young girl and I would never be mirror images. After all, I was a wilting bud and she was a thriving blossom, I a poisoned ivy, she a lurid sun. My light had long ago disappeared. Iridescent pomp dispersed into cold dark eternities. I ascended into the night.
1) Does it make sense? Is there anything you didn't understand that I should clarify?
2) What do you think it means?
3) Any suggestions for improvement / things you would change?
4) What did you think of the beginning and the ending? Esp the last paragraph?
5) Does the ending make sense?
6) Was it powerful/moving/strong?
My medical condition didn’t allow me to walk within a two-mile radius of my home, let alone to my own backyard. I was usually in the kitchen doing the dishes, or in my room, staring into the bare walls that seemed to pull me away from any chance I had at life. Either way, I was smothered by my mother’s fear of losing me. For years I had been watching life blossom and thrive under the sun while I wilted in my bed with aching bones. The Earth wasn’t going to stand motionless for me, but still I missed my healthy carefree days: running through oceans feeling water lapping my neck, stealing the ripest fruit from the neighbor’s yard.
Yesterday I finally felt freedom again. My mother had drifted to her afternoon sleep and I had slipped through the window to the backyard garden, and the yellow, green, blue flowers welcomed me into their still life painting. A frail sun rested above my head, but I didn’t mind. At least I was touching the wind.
I wanted a drop of honeysweet youth so I lay on the grass, surrounded by flower castles. My breaths came out in raspy wheezes and a numbness pierced through me, its icy lips cruel against my body, but I assumed it was just the wintertime.
And then I felt the sun crash down on me, too weak to hold itself up over the horizon. The sun’s arms strangled me and my eyes fluttered, fluttered…
I was gone from the garden.
I dreamed of a field of white poppies, like a luminous sea that draped itself around a dark shore. I wasn’t sure if I was dead, but I didn’t care. I was seeing the world beyond my stark walls, and I closed my eyes tighter together.
I saw a young girl running through the flowers, callow eyes and a crescent mouth. She moved with fluid motions, like water, fingers lacing around each poppy as if she were making sure they wouldn’t disappear with her touch. Her dress was woven with courage, with audacity, and she danced fearlessly to her own illumination.
I wanted her to tell me that my life was just a painful dream, that someday I would awaken and feel carefree again. I wanted her to promise me that we would someday be mirror images. But I knew she wasn’t going to reply, because other than the blissful white heads that bowed at her feet, she was surrounded by no trace of humanity.
Through her blithe eyes, I didn’t exist, and neither did the perception of pain or darkness. Just ignorant happiness.
And the night went black, but the poppies and young girl illuminated every inch of shadow. The Earth slowed slowed, slowed and her eyes closed. The sky ripped apart and just as I was gone from the garden, I was gone from the poppies.
The young girl and I would never be mirror images. After all, I was a wilting bud and she was a thriving blossom, I a poisoned ivy, she a lurid sun. My light had long ago disappeared. Iridescent pomp dispersed into cold dark eternities. I ascended into the night.
1) Does it make sense? Is there anything you didn't understand that I should clarify?
2) What do you think it means?
3) Any suggestions for improvement / things you would change?
4) What did you think of the beginning and the ending? Esp the last paragraph?
5) Does the ending make sense?
6) Was it powerful/moving/strong?