Please can you complete this poem or whatever you can call it?or maybe restructure

  • Thread starter Thread starter Sunny
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Sunny

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it if u like? Setting sun, fading breath
Lonely voice,Empty heart
I m torn apart

Dark moon ,cold night
My world, devoid of any light
Eerie silence is scary noise
Ears waiting for your crystal voice
I m torn apart

You promised light ,you left me in dark
Shattered dreams , broken heart
I m torn apart.

Suddenly there is a break of dawn
Darkness begins to fade away

A smile on my face, a sigh of relief
There might just be some thing to laugh about

i feel it is full of short sentences does it look appropriate.PLEASE LEAVE YOUR COMMENTS ABOUT WHAT I HAVE WRITTEN.
 
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