First; allow me to say that aside from the following instances, my boyfriend and i have an unbelievably happy, trusting, secure and mutual love and relationship. However, I want an outsider's view. It's a weird situation I'm in.
I'm like a self destructive person. About a couple months ago, I tried to physically fight my boyfriend, over something so stupid, idk why but I just lost my temper. And it's ridiculous for me to even try because he's so much bigger and stronger than me. But I'm crazy. Anyway he didn't hit me back, but he held me down, and we screamed and called each other every name in the book. After I chilled out I felt horrible about it. It bothered me for days and I said it wouldn't happen again. Well it did happen again tonight, and I started it again of course by hitting him. But this time he elbowed me in my leg, like dead legged me as weird as that is, then pushed me down and got in my face and screamed at me and called me the worst names. I cried and we both apologized to each other and made up and all that. He's completely over it, like he said he was just gonna forget it happened, and he did. But for some reason I can't get over it. I'm so disturbed by it. Sorry this was so long and overboard lol. I'm just crazy.
So, is this bad? Acceptable/unacceptable? Can it be overlooked if we don't let it happen again? Should I feel so guilty and disturbed by this, or should I already be over it? And why do I feel so horrible? A lot of questions, I know. But I'm in a tough spot you guys. Please help.
I'm like a self destructive person. About a couple months ago, I tried to physically fight my boyfriend, over something so stupid, idk why but I just lost my temper. And it's ridiculous for me to even try because he's so much bigger and stronger than me. But I'm crazy. Anyway he didn't hit me back, but he held me down, and we screamed and called each other every name in the book. After I chilled out I felt horrible about it. It bothered me for days and I said it wouldn't happen again. Well it did happen again tonight, and I started it again of course by hitting him. But this time he elbowed me in my leg, like dead legged me as weird as that is, then pushed me down and got in my face and screamed at me and called me the worst names. I cried and we both apologized to each other and made up and all that. He's completely over it, like he said he was just gonna forget it happened, and he did. But for some reason I can't get over it. I'm so disturbed by it. Sorry this was so long and overboard lol. I'm just crazy.
So, is this bad? Acceptable/unacceptable? Can it be overlooked if we don't let it happen again? Should I feel so guilty and disturbed by this, or should I already be over it? And why do I feel so horrible? A lot of questions, I know. But I'm in a tough spot you guys. Please help.