Partner with anxiety disorder

[Laurel78]

Hello, I wonder if anyone can help me. My fiance has been suffering from an anxiety disorder for several years but is only in the process of being diagnosed just now. He has been very down about this but things were made worse this week when he was made redundant. He found this extremely stressful as he has always been really proud of his work and his performance at work.

Out of the blue, he ended our relationship, giving reasons that didn't ring true to me such as he thought I wasn't happy or that he didn't feel loved or that we argued all the time. I always thought things were going great (he'd commented on this) and that I was being supportive to the best of my abilities about the anxiety, although I admit I am just learning.

Do you think his decision could be anything to do with his condition? I love him to bits and would be willing to move out and give him his own space (as he wants), but I'm worried I'm just kidding myself and that he just doesn't love me any more. He has always been a perfect, caring and attentive boyfriend until now.

Can anyone offer me some advice? This was only four days ago and I am absolutely heartbroken.

Thank you.

 

[Tony4424]

The way I felt at first when I first started feeling derealization, and strange feelings, which later I found out were feelings of anxiety. I had no idea what was going on, I thought I was dying, thought I had diabetes, thought my heart was failing, I had no idea what was going on, and I was terrified.

My girlfriend is able to talk to me when I am feeling anxious, or when I am having an attack. Honestly sometimes it feels like she thinks that I am staying with her just because she is there for me. It is not true, but it is just what I think sometimes. Your fiance could even feel the same way. It could just be that he feels that he does not want to put you through a life of harRABhip, in helping him deal with his anxiety, he might think that you deserve better.

 

[Laurel78]

Thank you very much for your reply. The feelings you have described seem exactly what he has been going through, feelings that he is going to have a heart attack, or has diabetes or is going to die.

I have only realised now how bad he felt as he did not talk to me about it much , and I am researching the condition to try to understand more so maybe I have not fully understood what he was going through. He is obviously terrified and seems to be pushing me away, maybe for the reasons you describe. I think the redundancy has also pushed him over the edge as he now feels on top of everything else he has failed as a provider, which could not be further from the truth.

I wish there was a way I could make him see how much I love him and want to support him through this, and that I don't care about things being difficult with his condition as long as we are together, however ultimately I guess it has to be his choice and I don't want to put additional pressure on him at this time.