Parenting; new mother VS own single mother & mother in law?

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finallyINlove

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So Im a new young mother who gave birth to a beautiful baby boy who was premature and currently undergoing constant medical attention (i.e. oxygen support, doctors appointments, medicine schedules, etc). The worst part is over really and aside from the oxygen he's on, you would never guess he was "sick". Anyways, being a young & new Mom of course is challenging but I believe I've adapted quite well. Being in a hospital for 7 months with your son in critical condition and undergone 2 surgeries kinda makes you grow up and become responsible quite quickly. I've adapted to the stress of motherhood quite well at the age of 20 and have no problem doing things on my own while my husband is away at work. Ok here comes the problem, I have both my Mother and my Mother in Law (who are both great single mothers ) on my back CONSTANTLY! I really want to take pride of raising my son on my own without the conflict of 2 other people imposing their morals onto my son. My mother is constantly judging the way I do things with my son (i.e. you're not doing right, why are you doing it like that?, do you not care about your sons health?) and then my mother in law, whom I live with is always "fixing" what I do. If my son is bare foot and she feels his feet a little cold, she'll put socks on him which makes him fussy. She will also come in our room (my husbands, my sons and mine) in the middle of the night and put a blanket on him which makes my son sweat and get uncomfortable. My mom is more judgmental and "old school". This is funny, at the doctors I was told that i should read to my son and at his age (6months) the way he's going to grow interest in books is by holding them and putting them in his mouth. Of course the minute I told my mother this she FLIPPED! telling me that I was crazy letting my son put books in his mouth saying "they're dirty" and "your sons is going to grow up thinking its ok to put everything into his mouth" and all this without letting me explain to her that that's why they make "baby books" and babies explore their surroundings by putting things in their mouths and its part of their natural brain development. Anywhoos, as much as I LOVE & appreciate both of their help and input, I understand that I cannot do EVERYTHING but am I wrong to HATE their constant "input"? I really want to take pride of raising my son despite my young age and maybe Im taking their help the wrong way but as I look at them and admire them for being able to raise their own children on their own, I want my son to be able to grow up and also look up at me (and his father of course) and be proud of me. Long story short, who right here?
Me? or them two?
 
I was 15 when i had my son adn he was premature and i had basically the same problems. and i totally understand but your going to half to tell them how you feel i understand what your saying. You want to be able to do it on your own ..he is your son and they probably just think its ok that you don't mind it so you have to tell them how you feel. That you appreciate there help but not the unasked help. That you want to experience this on your own and learn for yourself. Its hard but they will most likely forever do this if you don't speak up. Congrats on the new baby.
 
I think everyone is right. Listen to their in-put take what you want from it and do your own thing. Put your baby first though. Just because he's fussy when you place socks on his cold feet shouldn't make you as his responsible mom take them off ohh well he'll get over it and he won't get sick saving you a headache.... Tell whomever to buy the darn baby books. Some times they (parents) can be over protective and even over react. The baby putting the book in his mouth is normal but if you can prevent it try to by all means, everyone gets germs. If they jump on you every time you talk to them about something you read or something someone told you that's good for the baby then stop talking to them and if you feel you must ask them how do you feel about this? Dr. B said this... do you agree? If they respond in a negative way then leave it alone if they respond in a understanding way then discuss. You can also tell them how it makes you feel, and maye they'll back off a tiny bit... Just remember you are his Mom and what you say goes, just be an adult about your decisions think about the outcome before you make the final decision. If I let him put this book in his mouth will I have to rush him to the hospital... If he goes out with nothing on his arms and it's cold outside will I have to take him to the hospital... Like that... Hope this helps
 
Either talk to them and let them know they are going too far... after all this is your son not theirs.
Or maybe enroll in a parenting class... for infants/toddlers. They are great for information (just like college is for a job). Have Grammy(s) go with you so they can see normal development.
Any type of playgroup or parenting class should work. Our local hospital has a baby steps class and a toddler class.
 
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