Pandora

C

crazyhorsegirl

New member
Everything falls into place
One by one, sporadically spiraling,
Earthbound

Under influence of history's messianic kings,
Archaic ideas infect through hand of creation,
Reaching from beyond our plane of understanding, lightly,
Deceptively descending upon ethereal wings

We all search for something to believe, whether force-fed from
The pedestal with diction so holy, or found in a
Place more of this world, I am but one entity in this
Incorporeal progression that is still searching

I grow weary of your tired ultimatum written in stone;
A social parasite nurtured through misinformation and ignorance
It's just good business;
Your fires glow brighter in the dark

I am the tide of war

Watch as I bestow my hell upon thee
Afflicting with my plague: your very heart
Clave me not, child of Jehovah, for
Egyptian blood is easier to part
 
yeah i have trouble forming metaphors using simple phrasings

my original goal was actually to try and convey my message without resorting to uncommon vocabulary, but it wasn't coming the way i wanted it to so i just ditched and started writing how i normally do

this style is fine for people who are willing to really dissect the writing, but i need to practice writing with vocabulary that i'd use in casual conversation instead of a paper
 
The fact that you are able to take criticism will take you far. A little wordy, but interesting subject.

ReminRAB me a little of "Opiate" by Tool. This is in no way a diss, just stating that I am pretty sure I understood it.
 
Thanks for the feedback

Yeah, i guess it's similar to opiate, but i really hear an anti-religious message in opiate. i have no problem with religion, but i find it ridiculous when outdated beliefs start to affect your judgment in modern-day issues. i tried to convey that religion (or faith of some sort) is healthy to an extent, but you have to know where to draw the line. following scripture verbatim only creates intolerance and hate
 
very true, we cann all learn from the teachings of those who preach wisdom, justice, and love. (yeah stole part of that form linkin park) Just gotta know what to listen too and what not to listent oo.

YOur right though....Opiate is more anti religion.
 
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