Out of my program!!

[GangsterBritishPirate]

Ok, I know what your all thinking, this shouldn't be in the Life Sucks forum. But I need to rant about some stuff.



Three months ago, a scary and anxiety building compulsion came upon me one
day as I woke up. One day I was fine, the next I wasn't. From the morning
that I woke up, I realized that something was different. Whenever I looked
at a knife I felt the compulsion to use it to harm someone. Becoming scared
and thinking myself to be insane I kept it quiet for the whole day until I
could bear it no longer. I went to bed frightened, feeling alone and
thinking that I was going insane.

I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone for fear of being locked away in an
insane asylum, and for months I watched my condition become worse.
Whenever I looked at anything - especially knives - that could be considered
a weapon I felt that compulsion to use it to harm someone else. I thought to
myself that I could beat it and that it was just a thing to do with growing
up and that it would go away with time. But as time went on, my condition
became progressively worsened and I began to have small panic attacks if I
thought of actually harming someone that I loved. At night, the compulsion
was at its worst as I thought I might actually harm somebody while they were
asleep without my knowledge. My worst fear at the time was the fact that I
would be unable to control myself if ever the condition became to bad.

 

[Asif Khan]

wow man I don't know what to say. having those types of feelings is not good but this is not news to you. I my self have panic attacks, and mostly at night. the best thing I have found is to keep busy the more I am stressed out by too much shit to do I have less panic attacks (this seems not possible but it works). as for the wanting to hurt people I haven't dealt with that other then when I am pissed off at someone i tend to take it out on people unrelated to the situation. I might suggest talking to a counselor its a scary thing to do (opening up to a total stranger) but it is some times the best way to deal with the problem.

 

[maraj191]

Hmm that is serious man. Really you should go for some therapy. A trip may help you too.

 

[Tee hee heee...wait WHAT?]

Its kind of a double-edged sword, isn't it? If you say you haven't you're a prude. If you say you have, you're a slut. Its a trap. You want to but you can't and when you do you wish you didn't, right?


Im not a nymphomanic, Im a compulsive liar.

Great movie

 

[Jacob B is Tarzan]

I had a similar experience a couple years back. I was depressed and started having panic attacks. After the first attack...after having that feeling of losing control....I was scared shitless I was going crazy (or if I wasn't, that I would). I let the worry build up inside me and in combination with being depressed, I was convinced I didn't care about anything or anyone (which wasn't and still isn't true) but once I got that idea in my head I just clung to it, I guess you could say. I was afraid I would just snap one day and hurt someone or hurt myself. I obsessed about it night and day. I felt sick to my stomach being around people the I love because I was scared I would get the urge to hurt them. I couldn't even sit down to dinner with them cause I was afraid of the forks at the table. It wasn't that I actually WANTED to hurt them, I was just afraid that I wouldn't be able to stay in control if the urge presented itself. It was fucked up, and I'm crying thinking about it right now.

Of course, I didn't want to tell anyone about it. I mean, how do you come right out and say, "I don't want to hurt anyone, I'm just afraid I might want to hurt someone." I'm pretty sure it's safe to say that to the average person, that makes no fucking sense whatsoever. I didn't want people to think I was crazy or to get locked up someplace. But finally, after a few months I couldn't stand it anymore. I lost nearly thirty pounds cause I wasn't eating or sleeping. I ended up being put on meds and seeing a counselor once a week. I also did a lot of reading, and apparently it's common for people with OCD to have an obsessive fear of harming people they love and care about (or of germs, or of being attacked, or of leaving appliances running at home, etc). I still take meds, and about a year ago my counselor and I agreed I was well enough to stop seeing her. I haven't had a panic attack in nearly two years, and I'm thinking about having my doc take me off meds.

Anyways, it took balls for you to post this thread. I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Socialism for the Rich]

it took you lots of balls as well zoloft... not implying that you have any either!

hell it took anybody that posted in here a lot of balls to say this stuff, i have had similair experiences, although not to the degree of some.

im pinning it on voilence being a normal in our society, somewhat like us being brainwashed by whats on the tv!