Only Fanfiction Can Scare The Paparazzi [We Can Dream]

[KiRby]

Sienna Miller filed a lawsuit against a London-based paparazzo Darryn Lyons and his Big Pictures agency in the High Court of London to prevent them from taking photographs of her. Whether she's filing the lawsuit because she's upset about her pending split with Balthazar Getty or because she just hates the paps that much, the British legal system is about to establish another interesting precedent. Since celebrities can't retaliate any other way but in the courts, paparazzi fanfiction is here to let them settle the score.
The hardest job in the world next to blogging – and nearly as well-thought of – is following celebrities around with a camera and snapping their every move.

But filing a lawsuit and dragging this guy through a lengthy legal process doesn't sound like much of a solution. We recommend Sienna take up the following prescription from our favorite fanfiction site, AdultFanfiction.Net. The following encounter by user 'Achtung Baby' suggests one possible solution to the pap problem, and features a fictionalized, gun-wielding version in a woodland setting of Eliza Dushku:

The gun fired with a loud pop and an orange dart shot out directly into the deer's jugular vein. The deer collapsed unconscious. Eliza walked up to it and checked its pulse, then nodded. She whistled, and all three of her male companions stood up and came out of the blind. They moved forward and surrounded the deer. Clarke was holding a roll of duct tape and Nate a large plastic garbage bag. Eliza drew a curved knife from her belt and slit the animal's throat, finishing it off with one clean cut. Damn, Gary thought as he watched Clarke and Brad start to push together and tape up its legs. This is great!

Eliza was stepping back now, putting away her weapon while the men turned over and bagged the dead buck. Gary took a shot of the dead animal, then another of Eliza and her knife. He then moved to the side, hoping for a better angle for his next frame.
SNAP.
Gary cursed as he stepped on a loud twig. Instantly Eliza's gun came out, up, and fired. The dart hit Gary right in the chest before he could react. He let out a yell of pain and fell, barely keeping hold of his camera as he tumbled out of the bushes and halfway down the hill. "Shit!" Nate shouted, dropping the freshly bagged deer.
"Oh my God," gasped Brad. "Eliza, what did you-?"
"It's okay!" his girlfriend snapped, lowering her pistol. "He was watching us in the parking lot earlier. I think I've seen him before. He's a paparazzo."
​

Remind me not to follow around — or blog about — Eliza Dushku, OK?

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