ok so i really suck at poetry but?

  • Thread starter Thread starter xxl0v3babiixx
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xxl0v3babiixx

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i need help on improving this poem as an assignment for school becuz right now , im failing...



use to write poetry when i was younger, use to be really good at it but... things have changed haha now i cant think straight = [

so help me out with some editing please


our lives have become so predictable

always doing what one is told

never being able to express

or let our true feelings unfold

brainwashed by others voices

being limited with our choices

despising who we love

stateing how wrong, and putting words in the mouth of that man up above

but their ignorance and pride

means nothing besides

they will never know true love













i really want to change the part where it says despising who we love... can anyone give me something similar that would rhyme without love at the end...? i dont wanna use the word twice ...


thanks for reading my crappy poem , i appreciate it
 
i think it's hellla good the way it is.
wtf are with these other @ss whipes?

"dont quit you day job"
lame, why dont you just stfu.

im asumming your a teen in school so like
it matters how good your poems are right.?
 
I thought it was pretty good actually. as far as changing the despisng who we love part, If your dead set on changing it, you could just end the sentance with the word "of" instead and still keep the rhym "...images we're thinking of....the unheard cries we speaking of.. "ect. Although personally I dont think its that bad how it is. good luck ^_^
 
life...

so predictable

always doing what one is told...

unable to express

our true feelings.

brainwashed by voices

being limited by our choices

despising who we become, who we are.

Putting words in the mouth of the man above

but though their ignorance and pride

means nothing.

they will never know true love


Hope you liked what i've done good luck :)
 
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