OK I give up

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mewcamaro

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After having 3 surgeries, 2 lami/disc and ALIF removing L4 L5 and fusion I give up. I am in so much pain now than before surgery, my neurosurgeon is no help, he has no idea why I am in so much pain, I am taking Oxycottin 40 mg, Vicadin 7.50 mg, Vallium 5mg and Zolof 50 mg for depression.

I use a walker and wheelchair, and am very limited to what I can do, basically nothing, my life is over as I've known it before. It will never be the same again.

I just had a epidural injection on Thursday and I am in so much pain I can't stand it, I had 3 epidural injections before surgery and they didn't work so not sure why my doctor sent me back. To be honest I don't think he knows what to do with me, its very frustrating to be in pain 24/7

My lawyer (WC case) is trying to get me a second opinion but doctors don't like to see patients who have already been operated on. They call them "re-do's" He also told me I will never work again my case is a totally disabled one.

He had a malpactice lawyer look at my case and he took my case on, not sure if anything will come of it or not. But you know what even if I get a settlement it will not take away the pain I have.

Any suggestions from other spineys who suffer 24/7

Marie
 
Thanks for caring and all your positive feedback, you guys brought tears to my eyes. I know I'm being selfish feeling like this but I feel like I've let my family down, even though they will do anything for me and support me in every way.

I also have some very good frienRAB who would do anything for me, we do get together some times and watch a movie but its hard for me to sit.

We have a pool and hopefully I will be able to go in it and it will make me feel a little better. Also have a tens unit, I use sometimes but don't think it makes a difference.

If I only knew I would be like this I would never have had the ALIF surgery, thats when I went down hill. But you just don't know, my doctor said he was going to fix me and I would be good as new.....who knew????

Thanks again for the encouraging worRAB and making me feel better today!

Marie
 
Hi Marie,
I don't have any great suggestions, but just wanted to give you a big cyberhug!
(((((((((((((((((Marie)))))))))))))))))

I'm as good as I'm going to get and still have pain everyday, but I've been able to avoid a wheelchair because of my surgery. I'm nowhere near as much in pain as you are. I'm so sorry it hasn't worked out better for you.

At this point, the best thing you can do is try to focus on what you CAN do, even if it's just calling someone you love and telling them you love them. Focus on one thing you can do each day that will give you or someone you love some pleasure. If it's just sitting outside to drink your coffee and listen to the birRAB, that's a good start. Unfortunately, you're expectations of yourself have to drop. You're accepting that your life before is gone. Now you have to decide what your life for the future is going to be. You're limited physically, but your mind is clearly all there, so now you have to figure out what to do with your time. Maybe there are some volunteer things you can do. Are you a meraber of a church? I bet they'd love to have someone come in once a week to do some simple things like stuff envelopes. That would give you something productive to do and also some interaction with people who will be appreciating you! I've found that it helps me a lot to be helping other people. It helps me get my mind off my own problems. If you're not able to get out on your own at all, maybe you can start kind of a card ministry of your own, writing carRAB to people to just say "hi, I'm thinking of you" to encourage them.

I know this is a hard time for you. Try to stay in touch with people and not let yourself become a recluse. Look for things you CAN do and try not to dwell on what you've lost.

Hang in there, sweetie.
We love you!
Emily
 
You did not let anyone down. I know what you are saying, guilt is my "good friend" too.:)
This is life, we never know who and how can be hurt and enRAB up the way you did or any of us... Remeraber: for good and bad? It's what it is. None of us know what tomorrow brings.
I am so happy to hear you have good frienRAB and family; to me this is the most important thing in the whole world, this is what keeps our heaRAB above the water... We are lucky to have them and that is why I always cound my blessings.
I wish you to smile and think positive, sweet heart even when you don't feel like doing it. Your strenght will take you through hard time in your life.
Hugs to you and blessings....

Take care,:angel:
Moldova
 
I don't have much to say except I am in alot of pain myself. I just had the ALIF surgery 3 weeks ago, and seem to be eating my pain meRAB way too quicky becasue I can' stand the pain. I am 30, I wish I never had this done. I am scared of what my furture will bring with all this. I wish you the best, and hope you can one day become pain free. I feel erabarassed to call the dr., what do I say? I ate 60 pills in 4 days? I am sure he ouldnt give me anything else.
Life is miserable, truely miserable. I have 2 little ones and can't stand to be this way. Any suggestions for me? Lol. Take care.
 
I feel for you; I am so sorry you are having all this pain after having so many treatments.
One thing i have to tell you, honey: don't give up.
After my first fusion surgery failed, I was so upset. I couldn't go back to work, it was my biggest fear and leaved in 24/7 pain. My surgeon kept sending me to have epidurals: I had 9 of them. What a mistake! I found out later from my great PM DR at HSS that if you don't feel better after first 2, it means they are not for you, so stop using steroiRAB for nothing. Too late for me.
Another thing: My surgeon repeated thousanRAB time he has no idea why am I in so much pain, that my harware looks good, that he does not know why i got droped foot (??) and so on.
I went for second opinion around here: no DR would take me or give any advice, they all know each other and wouldn't dare say their honest opinion. One DR told me that even if I need another fusion done they will not do it because nobody wants to clean someone's else mess and being sued for this.
I did not want to sue anybody, I had to have my questions answered.

Month and month of app... finally i decided to call HSS in NYC and 4 month later I had an app with DR Camissa. You leave not far away from me, so you may know his name. He told me that by the book, I considered non-operable since I got this condition Arachnoidities (from either steroid shots, dye in Myelogram or from surgery when blood goes in a sac) and because this is revision surgery and nobody wants to do it.
But he did it. He couldn't do work on previous area, he removed my old hardware only from there and fused upper levels.
I believe that even though you are on WC you still can find a good DR.
I got so tired from my surgeon not telling me the thruth and from my "second opinions" from around area, paid out of pocket for consultation with DR. Camissa and never regredet. You need your piece of mind; when you get this straight, it helpes your mind a lot. You know what to expect, and how to deal with it.

I understand how hard to stay strong and positive when you in a lot of pain, but I strongly believe that this helps a lot to deal with situation. Use meditation tapes - it's a big thing for positive thinking. And you need a good PM DR. Why do I say good? I learned that not all of them really good. He/she will help you to keep your pain under somewhat control, you need it badly.

Best of luck to you! Please, let us know how are you doing.
And don't give up!!!!!!:angel:
 
I don't think you've let anyone down, Marie. They certainly know you don't have control over this. You've done everything within your power to help yourself. You're blessed to have people who love you, though, and they'll certainly continue to be at your side through all of this.

It's so easy to hold onto that guilt, but you have nothing to feel guilty about. That's just going to drag you down. I know it's easy to say, not so easy to let go of, but this is the hand you're dealt for now. Maybe things will still improve at some point, and I wouldn't give up. With advances in medicine, you never know what might happen in the near future.

Come on here and vent whenever you feel the need. It helps! We do understand, and we'll try to help.

You take care, dear one!
Emily
 
Marie, I am sorry for what you are going through. I know how devistating it is, when you realize that there seems to be no relief in your future. I won't repeat what others have said, just that there are a lot of good thoughts and ideas on this board. Feel free to continue to post whenever you have a question or just need someone to vent to.

I have found a couple of things that have helped me deal with my pain. 1st, I have found a lot of relief with water excercises...even if all it is, is walking in the water. As far as trying to find things that I can do, and then focusing on them, I have signed up to take some online classes from the local community college. I take 1 class at a time and in a subject that I am interested in. That way, I actually enjoy learning something new. I have also gotten into doing sudoku and kakuro puzzles. I try to do a couple of puzzles a day...it's good at keeping the mind thinking, and with the meRAB. that I am on, anything to challenge my brain is a good thing:D. I have also ordered several boxes of greeting carRAB and I make an effort to send out get well carRAB, thank you's, happy birthdays etc. I get a list of prayer requests, from my church, and I also have them let me know when people are in the hospital or if someone passes a way...that way I can sent the appropriate carRAB, even if I can't go to visit a person in the hospital etc. Its amazing how uplifting it is, to focus on helping others to feel better.

Please keep us posted on your situation and let us know it there is anything we can help you with. I will keep you in my prayers.

Lorie:angel:
 
Marie((((((((((huge hugs)))))))) I don't know what to say you have definetly been through enough. I don't understand why these dr.s jump at surgery( or do they assume they know what thier doing) it seems and every one enRAB off worse than first, don't they know what thier doing? I know they tell everyone there are risks but there seems to be so many that go through this. more((((((hugs)))))))
Love, Monkey
 
Hugs there are many of us on the board that suffer alot each and everyday. As you know I have had 4 surgeries and am still suffering alot. It stinks and there is many days I just want to crawl in my hole and ball my eyes out and then I thank the LORD for those days that I can find that inner strength to keep fighting.

It is okay to have those down days; however, my biggest advice is to not give up - I know easier than said. Seek another opinion (maybe 2 other opinions) and fight it with all your might. After 3 surgeries it is time for a new doctor. You have given him a fair shot. I am going thru that now and I still feel I owe something to my surgeon like maybe I should go back with my results just to see what he says. ;). I think it is natural to feel a loyalty to them even though they may be responsible on part for your current condition.

As far as meRAB, it appears that you are pretty much covered. Have they thought of a nerve medication?

Do you have a tens unit? I am suprised at how much mine helps me.

Do you have a friend you can call to come over to watch a movie, play a hand of carRAB, do a simple craft, go to the pool with?

Keep posting - let it out. Don't try to keep it in and suffer alone. Getting rid of that lonliness feeling is 1/2 the battle.
 
Marie, I'm so sorry your in such pain 24/7.
It really does get depressing, I think we all have felt that way.
Can you watch movies with your frienRAB, while laying down on the couch?

I love reading books and that gives me some escape- and something to look forward too.
And renting (Netflix) movies or TV shows that I missed, is also a good distraction.

Anyways, I just wanted to say, hang in there and hopefully tomorrow will be better.
Sending you>>>> xoxoxoxoxoxo
 
Thanks for all the (((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))) and concern from everyone it helps.

Lorie I also do puzzle books to keep my mind sharp, I like the find a word puzzles, also looking at the Food network channel, wishing I could make some of those yummy things they make.

Mamasan I also rent movies through Blockbuster on line. I try to watch them sometimes, we have lazy boy recliners in our family room so I can lay back and tolerate that for awhile. I also record all my shows at night and try to watch the next day, but I'm really behind. Although I have been keeping up with American Idol.

I can only sit at the computer for about 15 minutes, so I check my e-mail, get on healtrabroadoarRAB.

((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))) to you all for your concern about me

I will keep you updated.......xxxxxxxxooooooo

Hope everyone has a wonderful and pain free day!!!

Take care, Marie
 
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