Ode To Cullen: Funny Edward Jokes for a poem, anyone?

So, I have to write a poem for my friend to read in front of our friends. She lost a Dare, and I get to write a deliciously evil poem screaming her undying love for Edward Cullen on every line. I want it to be funny, but jokes are just NOT coming to me today, which is really a shame. Does anyone have any particularly funny lines I could throw into this?
 
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