The problem with the staunch individualism bred into most Americans is their utter inability to band together for the greater good once every few years or so. Instead, we jealously hoard whatever we have, suspiciously eying our neighbor and selling him a broken lawn mower. Obama will maybe-probably win tomorrow, and a rally in Chicago is all planned. The black market for the free-yet-sold-out tickets is, of course, on Craigslist. Ticketholders have taken capitalism to its fullest conclusion, selling the tickets they originally got for nothing. (Hey, ill-gotten infusions of capital are what this country was built on!) They're are being offered in some cases for $1000 a pair: "No sob stories need apply—we're saving to put 3 kids through college, so I don't need to hear about your student loans and how you can only afford $20." Well God bless you, too! There's also flirtation-for-Obama tickets, date-for-Obama tickets... one thing's for sure: we ain't above sellin' it.
Of course, it wouldn't be Craigslist without somebody coming on to tell us that we're all
pathetic:
Of course, it wouldn't be America without the religious crazies—and their country cousin, the atheist wingnuts!
My fellow Americans, I stand before you tonight and ask: Can we get any more shameless?
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