No sex drive cause alot of problems!?

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JamieR

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my husband and I have been married 6 yrs we have 3 kids all under the age of 7. I work nights and take care of the kids in the days. When I get home I just want some time for me. I feel like every chance my husband gets he tries to "get some". Its not that we NEVER have sex its just like once a week and considering the situation (with work and kids and stuff) I think that is pretty good. But he asks for it like 6 days a week and 5 of those days I usually tell him i'm too tired (which is not a lie, my not cheating on him) So when I tell him no he gets soooo mad but he won't say ne thing he just rolls over then again for the next few days he gives me the cold shoulder. This is so not right I feel like telling him he acts like a damn little kid who doesn't get their way so they throw a fit! And that just makes me REALLY not want to have sex you know? What do you think about all this and what would you do?
IN case "Lordperc..." didn't get it I WORK im not some money hungry person who just sits at home and waits for a check from their spouse.
 
ask him to leave you get a real woman, tell him your just a mother , you dont have sex, you dont care about Your relationship, tell him to face it, he just isn't worth 20 minutes of you lieing there or suggest he has affairs because you dont have a real marriage he is just there to earn money for you not for an adult male/female relationship

why has he stuck around for so long is the mystery
 
if u not going to have sex with him then why would he want u? he would either get a girl on the side who would have sex with him. and why did you have 3 KIDS all under 7??????????? you should have protected sex
 
Once in a while you're just going to have to suck it up and pretend you're in the mood. It won't kill you. And sometime when sex is not on everyone's brain, sit down and talk to your husband about how exhausted you are and that sometimes you just need a break. Maybe he can do his part and give you a few hours here and there just for you so you can read or or take a bath or go for a drive or anything else that's just you. And I know this sounds completely unromantic, but you really do need to schedule time for sex. Work something out with him so that on a really late night he knows not to bother asking, but that on Tuesdays you will totally be there for naked time.
 
I had a similar problem and, unfortunately, I just ignored my husband's childish, selfish behavior, hoping he would realize that pouting made him seem like another child that needed to be looked after. But it didn't stop. And the more he pouted, the less appealing he became. Over time, I lost almost all interest in having sex with my husband because I felt he was being selfish and wasn't paying attention to my interests. My husband and I are now separated. And I have to take responsibility for not speaking up about this difference in our lives. I should have talked it out with him, and I strongly encourage you to do that before the resentment builds up. Your husband is an adult and he needs to understand that you are tired; it's just a fact of life when you have a job and three children, plus a husband and a house, to take care of.

So, when you talk to him, here are a few things that might help. First, he should share equally in the work taking care of the children and the house. Whenever possible, try to share the jobs--you wash, he dries, that kind of thing. So then even when you're doing chores you're spending time together. And if this isn't efficient, that's ok; it's still better when you do it together. And you should both take time to pamper each other. One night, he rubs your feet. The next night, you give him a nice back rub. And try to schedule a date night at least one night every two weeks. (It's best to get out of the house, but if that isn't possible, set the kids up with mac and cheese and a kid movie in the family room, and you guys share an adult dinner in the dining room. Tell the kids if they interrupt, they'll have to go to bed.)

I know you may be dreading talking to him about this, but it won't fix itself. And it's a much easier discussion than one about separation. So dig in and have your discussion. And don't be shy about sticking up for yourself, because you're really sticking up for your marriage. Good luck.
 
Go to bed earlier when you are not quite so tired although having young ones can definitely sap a parent's energy. Be careful that you don't fall into the trap of being a mom 24/7 and forget that you are also part of a couple which is a relationship separate from the one with the kids. Too often parents neglect to nourish the friendship/lover relationship and problems culminate years down the line and you find them on forums like this one asking for advice on how to repair their marriage and that they didn't understand when the decline in the relationship occurred.

You are treating him like he is one of your kids instead of giving him the respect as a man as well as your husband. Yes, he will be frustrated but he is controlling his anger without heated words and it takes a "man" to do this. He is sexually frustrated. It's time for you to give him something to look forward to. Arrange for the children to be taken care of and give your undivided attention to him. This will work wonders.
 
i'm in the same boat and it jus makes u resent them more wen they get on like that
i do everything kids cook wash iron decorate work amuse kids take them out etc etc and then fall into bed exchausted and all he wans is u know wot so i then speak a few fench words to him but mines worse than ur's cos he lucky if he gets it once every 6 weeks ha h a
 
Tell him it's not that you don't want sex(if that's how you feel) and let him know your just really tired from not getting enough sleep. Ask him to help you out so you can get some rest and be there for him as well. If he's not willing to help you so you can get some sleep you need to seek counseling so you can try to fix the problem.It is understandable if you feel that your needs aren't being met that your not going to be as inclined to meet his, but if you want your marriage to last something needs to be done so you both feel as though an effort is being made by the other. If he is already helping you need to see what you can do to give it up a little more, add some spice get a sitter and a hotel room something.
 
Go to bed earlier when you are not quite so tired although having young ones can definitely sap a parent's energy. Be careful that you don't fall into the trap of being a mom 24/7 and forget that you are also part of a couple which is a relationship separate from the one with the kids. Too often parents neglect to nourish the friendship/lover relationship and problems culminate years down the line and you find them on forums like this one asking for advice on how to repair their marriage and that they didn't understand when the decline in the relationship occurred.

You are treating him like he is one of your kids instead of giving him the respect as a man as well as your husband. Yes, he will be frustrated but he is controlling his anger without heated words and it takes a "man" to do this. He is sexually frustrated. It's time for you to give him something to look forward to. Arrange for the children to be taken care of and give your undivided attention to him. This will work wonders.
 
Go to bed earlier when you are not quite so tired although having young ones can definitely sap a parent's energy. Be careful that you don't fall into the trap of being a mom 24/7 and forget that you are also part of a couple which is a relationship separate from the one with the kids. Too often parents neglect to nourish the friendship/lover relationship and problems culminate years down the line and you find them on forums like this one asking for advice on how to repair their marriage and that they didn't understand when the decline in the relationship occurred.

You are treating him like he is one of your kids instead of giving him the respect as a man as well as your husband. Yes, he will be frustrated but he is controlling his anger without heated words and it takes a "man" to do this. He is sexually frustrated. It's time for you to give him something to look forward to. Arrange for the children to be taken care of and give your undivided attention to him. This will work wonders.
 
To get rest through out the day, take naps.
You need to recharge. Your situation requires your husband's understanding and BOTH of you need to work out some kind of a routine for adult time.
This isn't something YOU alone have to take care of, he is involved too since he is the other person in your sex life.

Bottom line is, you need to squeeze in some time for yourself so you can rest. Try napping when your kids are napping during the day so you'll be more recharged at night.

By the way I understand how you feel. My husband can be a total @$$ hole the whole week and we barely even speak, yet he thinks whenever he "raises" to the occasion that I'll jump at the opportunity. Men know so little of the female mechanism that it takes far more than physical connection to get us going.
I mean we will literally go the entire week without say a word to each other, and somehow he thinks this will not affect my sex drive. It runs it into the ground if you ask me!!!

Sit down with your husband and talk to him. Tell him what affects your mood, and tell him that you have too much on your plate therefore you two need to work on the timing and scheduling.

Even though you are tired, try to slowly work up a foreplay. This may be a light massage and some patting. Or just establish some kind of physical connection. No matter how innocent, believe me, it is more likely to lead to sex than if you are just lying next to each other waiting for it to happen.

Even when we are not tired, if we do not have that sexual energy around us such as flirting, or naughty underwear, it is very hard to get into the mood especially with such lives of being a mommy and a housewife, housekeeper etc. I don't care how rested you are, if you are surrounded by a messy home, screaming toddler, dirty laundry, you will not feel sexy at all.
Try to get yourself in the mood and I think the mood is there, you just need to draw it out.

Good luck and I hope my answer will help you.
 
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