bobby's girl
New member
She's Dead, I Tell Ya!
COP 1 - Chief, it's 3-3. We found her! Yep, deader 'n a doornail. No, still dressed, though her kilt's flipped up clean to her waist. Could'a been the wind or the killer; hard to say. Good thing she's wearing her granny panties - ha ha ha! The old hag!
CHIEF - Tell Winston to use at least 3 rolls of film & get every angle! I want to frame the funniest shots. Hah, ha, ha!
(Someone's whistling in the background; the tune is...why, it's 'Danny Boy!')
COP 2 - Bout time someone took care of the ol' bee-otch. Dared to park her Gypsy wagon at the edge of OUR town! God, she's a waste! Dared to end her plain-spoken, unlexiconical crap with words that, that RHYMED, for
C....t's sake! Who, knew, grew, few, clue (ha-ha), do, rue, poo, til I'm ****ing buh-lew in the face!
COP 1 - Ha, ha! Hold a sec, Winnie, it's the Chief. (listening, listening, listening) Uh, sure, Chief, we'll do that right now. He said we have to get rid of the evidence. Can't let one of the residents be charged. And he says they're already filling up on Gateraide so they can p*ss on her grave. Ha, ha, ha!
COP 2 - Hey, look! Cut Flowers for her funeral - Hemlock and Queen Anne's Lace! Ha, ha, ha, ha! Oh, Daniel Boy, the pipes,the pipes are call-all-ing. Bwahahahaha, ha! I crack me up!
COP 1 - Nobody likes smart@ss who laughs at their own jokes. Find anything worth stealing?
COP 2 - You kidding? Bee-gee-bee-otch skipped all over town trying to give her crap away! You know how these fake Irish gypsy farmer bag ladies are. Ha, ha.
(Coroner enters scene, stage right)
CORONER - Someone just saved her from suicide, I see. Ha, ha, ha. Did ya a favor, girrrrlie. Would'na wanted yer wee child ta foind ya hangin' in the barn next ta Abel, would ya? Ha, ha. Never have cut him down yet; thought I'd let 'im rot on the vine. Ha, ha, hee, hee... Well, I'll be a PINK son of the freaking Flyin' Dutchman; SHE AIN'T DEAD, DANG IT!
(victim gets up, brushes her kilt into place)
DEAD BG - Geeze, Look at all these crescent-shaped little cuts all over me 'write' (ha, ha) arm? Kinda looks like I've been jabbed with sharp, little thumb nails? Well, I gots me some potion for that. Oh, Mr. Coroner, sir? Since you're already here and all, could you take that big, gray ball - the one with the happily-inane smiley face? Yessir, that one. It's lost all of it's bounce ability, although it still has that nice stiff upper lip. Ha ha ha. Hey, Ivan Idee what to do! I'll just clip CLOP clip CLOP clip CLOP all the way home. The giants here are way bigger than I even dreamed, which is probably why I lost my way (<------'silly, lass', she thought) And it's not nearly this dark at home. Tra la la la la la la Lah la... Irish Eyes are smiling, tra, la, la la, la.......
Indulge me...
I can get p*ssed along with the Best
But I can still laugh at myself
As long and as loud as anyone else.
(Iiiiiii know) Weak, rhyme, meter's off and I'm all over the place; inconsistent blah, blah, blah. But I can still write what I like. And I'm still funny. (anticipating the following, in ad finitum)
NO, YOU'RE NOT!
Yes, I am.
NO, YOU'RE NOT!
Yes, I am.
NO, YOU'RE NOT!
Oh, yes, yes, yes, YES I AM! And your breath smells like Juicy Fruit Gum. Hah!
SHEEEEEE's BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! Like it or hate it. I have the right to be here, too - even if it reduces your property values. BG
COP 1 - Chief, it's 3-3. We found her! Yep, deader 'n a doornail. No, still dressed, though her kilt's flipped up clean to her waist. Could'a been the wind or the killer; hard to say. Good thing she's wearing her granny panties - ha ha ha! The old hag!
CHIEF - Tell Winston to use at least 3 rolls of film & get every angle! I want to frame the funniest shots. Hah, ha, ha!
(Someone's whistling in the background; the tune is...why, it's 'Danny Boy!')
COP 2 - Bout time someone took care of the ol' bee-otch. Dared to park her Gypsy wagon at the edge of OUR town! God, she's a waste! Dared to end her plain-spoken, unlexiconical crap with words that, that RHYMED, for
C....t's sake! Who, knew, grew, few, clue (ha-ha), do, rue, poo, til I'm ****ing buh-lew in the face!
COP 1 - Ha, ha! Hold a sec, Winnie, it's the Chief. (listening, listening, listening) Uh, sure, Chief, we'll do that right now. He said we have to get rid of the evidence. Can't let one of the residents be charged. And he says they're already filling up on Gateraide so they can p*ss on her grave. Ha, ha, ha!
COP 2 - Hey, look! Cut Flowers for her funeral - Hemlock and Queen Anne's Lace! Ha, ha, ha, ha! Oh, Daniel Boy, the pipes,the pipes are call-all-ing. Bwahahahaha, ha! I crack me up!
COP 1 - Nobody likes smart@ss who laughs at their own jokes. Find anything worth stealing?
COP 2 - You kidding? Bee-gee-bee-otch skipped all over town trying to give her crap away! You know how these fake Irish gypsy farmer bag ladies are. Ha, ha.
(Coroner enters scene, stage right)
CORONER - Someone just saved her from suicide, I see. Ha, ha, ha. Did ya a favor, girrrrlie. Would'na wanted yer wee child ta foind ya hangin' in the barn next ta Abel, would ya? Ha, ha. Never have cut him down yet; thought I'd let 'im rot on the vine. Ha, ha, hee, hee... Well, I'll be a PINK son of the freaking Flyin' Dutchman; SHE AIN'T DEAD, DANG IT!
(victim gets up, brushes her kilt into place)
DEAD BG - Geeze, Look at all these crescent-shaped little cuts all over me 'write' (ha, ha) arm? Kinda looks like I've been jabbed with sharp, little thumb nails? Well, I gots me some potion for that. Oh, Mr. Coroner, sir? Since you're already here and all, could you take that big, gray ball - the one with the happily-inane smiley face? Yessir, that one. It's lost all of it's bounce ability, although it still has that nice stiff upper lip. Ha ha ha. Hey, Ivan Idee what to do! I'll just clip CLOP clip CLOP clip CLOP all the way home. The giants here are way bigger than I even dreamed, which is probably why I lost my way (<------'silly, lass', she thought) And it's not nearly this dark at home. Tra la la la la la la Lah la... Irish Eyes are smiling, tra, la, la la, la.......
Indulge me...
I can get p*ssed along with the Best
But I can still laugh at myself
As long and as loud as anyone else.
(Iiiiiii know) Weak, rhyme, meter's off and I'm all over the place; inconsistent blah, blah, blah. But I can still write what I like. And I'm still funny. (anticipating the following, in ad finitum)
NO, YOU'RE NOT!
Yes, I am.
NO, YOU'RE NOT!
Yes, I am.
NO, YOU'RE NOT!
Oh, yes, yes, yes, YES I AM! And your breath smells like Juicy Fruit Gum. Hah!
SHEEEEEE's BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! Like it or hate it. I have the right to be here, too - even if it reduces your property values. BG