The Angry Shallot
Gastronomy
is the study of alien farts
not the way chives impart
a savory tart taste on the palette
or how bits of squid ink
take foi grais to the brink of sublime.
No, it is in fact
the technicalities of space wind
blown from the rear end
of something with more eyes
than calamari has tentacles
it is the study of how this
being passes gasses
through other gasses
out into the multi gassed universe
not how one’s stomach
digests a plum turnover
and moreover
it is definitely not the anatomy
of dinner, dissecting
flavors and scents of anise,
of cumin and coriander,
of cinnamon and nutmeg,
of balsamic and turmeric,
and their relation to
the well being of a nation or culture.
But it may refer to
the culture of a Petri dish
adding air to the atmosphere
from the its rear.
Now, one could argue
that this extraterrestrial butt burp
was caused a by diner
who had dined on space weasel
with feezle sauce and a side of
plutonian game hen but again
with gastronomics
we are studying the particles
passing from the posterior
of that outer-planetary person
not the little drizzles of
churnsen juice that encircle
the julienne of gok lam
ordered for dessert
and the sacred gok lam
waltz that is to be performed
before consumption.
This assumption
that the holy act of cooking
of tasting and teasing the tongue
is to be wrung out in such horrid,
awful, unpleasing, phonetic sewage
as gastronomy makes me gag!
Even astronomy
(probably study of the behinds
of the beings that release
the aforementioned gasses)
sounds like a better wetter
of the appetite, a nicer way to
entice one to a bite of bing cherry
or a paint a still life of aged sherry.
As a long standing member
of vegetable food group
I demand to know
who made up this word?
I want a change in the dictionary!
Ban it from scrabble!
Put a law in the constitution!
I want restitutions
stating the study and art of food
shall never be so rudely referred to
by a word that brings to mind such
offensive olfactory offenses
as those one would imagine
a wookie would release while
going number 2 on the Death Star.
Bear 2009
Gastronomy
is the study of alien farts
not the way chives impart
a savory tart taste on the palette
or how bits of squid ink
take foi grais to the brink of sublime.
No, it is in fact
the technicalities of space wind
blown from the rear end
of something with more eyes
than calamari has tentacles
it is the study of how this
being passes gasses
through other gasses
out into the multi gassed universe
not how one’s stomach
digests a plum turnover
and moreover
it is definitely not the anatomy
of dinner, dissecting
flavors and scents of anise,
of cumin and coriander,
of cinnamon and nutmeg,
of balsamic and turmeric,
and their relation to
the well being of a nation or culture.
But it may refer to
the culture of a Petri dish
adding air to the atmosphere
from the its rear.
Now, one could argue
that this extraterrestrial butt burp
was caused a by diner
who had dined on space weasel
with feezle sauce and a side of
plutonian game hen but again
with gastronomics
we are studying the particles
passing from the posterior
of that outer-planetary person
not the little drizzles of
churnsen juice that encircle
the julienne of gok lam
ordered for dessert
and the sacred gok lam
waltz that is to be performed
before consumption.
This assumption
that the holy act of cooking
of tasting and teasing the tongue
is to be wrung out in such horrid,
awful, unpleasing, phonetic sewage
as gastronomy makes me gag!
Even astronomy
(probably study of the behinds
of the beings that release
the aforementioned gasses)
sounds like a better wetter
of the appetite, a nicer way to
entice one to a bite of bing cherry
or a paint a still life of aged sherry.
As a long standing member
of vegetable food group
I demand to know
who made up this word?
I want a change in the dictionary!
Ban it from scrabble!
Put a law in the constitution!
I want restitutions
stating the study and art of food
shall never be so rudely referred to
by a word that brings to mind such
offensive olfactory offenses
as those one would imagine
a wookie would release while
going number 2 on the Death Star.
Bear 2009